Childish People

The last few posts have been on the subject of anger which most of us have some difficulty in dealing with. This post continues with another viewpoint on anger before leaving this topic for a while.

Have you noticed that some people are almost continuously angry on a day to day basis. Someone or something gets them angry and when we examine their almost tirades about situations that anger them we find that there is a lack of compromise and consideration for others at the bottom of the issue.

It reminds anyone who has been a parent of their children in the preteen years. They are unreasonable whenever they don't get their way, cannot see any other than their own perspective, do petty and viscous actions in retaliation, or go off and pout about the injustice of the world.

Sound familiar? If so then remember that there is no point in getting angry with a child with this nature as it just aggravates the situation. Sometimes imposing penalties or totally ignoring them are the only ways to deal with them.

Dropping down to their level should not be one of your options because then they control you.

Your thoughts?

Technorati tags: anger, childish, response to anger

Keep It In Perspective

We have a tendency to become upset or angry with others who are petulant, mean, rude, argumentative, cruel, and we can certainly make this a very long list from our personal experiences.

We get upset or angry because we feel either they don't respect us or or make unreasonable demands from us according to our personal perspective of the situation.

There is another approach or perspective that can be enjoyed by ourselves when ever we are in these situations. Instead of being upset or angry we can be happy.

We can be happy because it shows us how good our own lives are in that we strive to be accepting and reasonable in our relationships with others whether intimate or casual in nature.

Give a try the next time you feel ourselves getting upset or angry by considering just how unhappy these people are with their lives and the activities  and interactions of life.

it is not worth any of our time being upset and angry because of the actions of others. Keep it in perspective.

Your thoughts?

Technorati tags: relationships, attitude, life, perspective. personal growth

Compromise or Arrangement

There are people who refuse to compromise in any way on what they want to do, when they want to do it and how they want to do it despite living with others. They consider it a relationship when it is only an arrangement.

The difference lies with one word compromise. A relationship whether casual or deeply intimate requires compromise on everybodys part. Give and take with the best interests of the relationship the determining factor.

If we find ourselves in an arrangement that no longer works we can renegotiate or end it as we choose. A relationship on the other hand has a greater degree of emotional content that can carry a heavy cost to end.

We must recognize whether we have a arrangement rather than a relationship when deciding how much we are going to compromise in order to keep it going. The second point is that we need to make sure that we don't mistake an arrangement for a relationship when placing demands on others.

Your thoughts?

Technorati tags: relationships, arrangements, compomise

It's Not Personal

We had a major storm hit Toronto yesterday with road closures, traffic and transportation delays as can be expected under the circumstances. What was interesting is watching and hearing the various reactions in this situation.

Some people took it in stride and patiently waited for bus while others fretted and fumed as if the weather did not exist as a problem but the bus drivers. I heard one person complain to the driver as he got on the bus that they were 7 minutes late and 35 minutes later say to driver "I guess slow is better than never" in a sarcastic tone.

The person has sat there for 35 minutes angry about the bus being late. What they didn't realize is that the bus was not 7 minutes late but 1 hour and 7 minutes late. They didn't realize how fortunate they were that a bus even arrived.

But this can be how some people go through life. Everything is personal and they get upset about it. What a waste of time and makes you wonder if they ever have any good times.

Most things just happen through a combination of circumstances and is really not personal at all. If we can eliminate this kind of useless worry and aggravation then we could our lives more fully and more often.

Your thoughts?

Technorati tags: managing change, life, outlook

Mental Bubbles

When we think about it we cannot even possess ourselves as each moment changes us. Our mind, body, spirit, and emotions are ever changing from moment to moment. Nothing stays still.

If we cannot possess ourselves then we really cannot posses anything. We coexist with an ever changing environment, with other people and life forms that are constantly changing. What can we say is fixed and unchanging.

Yet some of us want the world to be unchanging and ignore what is happening around them when it is inconsistent with their mental world. They live in a mental bubble.

The worlds of our mind is our reality but we need to understand that only we live in that world and no one else can see it the way we do. Understanding and acceptance comes from realizing this fact and accepting others as they are; in their own dream world.

Communication is the key to having others understand us and we to understand them. Sometimes we have to realize that we need to give them an understanding of where we are coming from for acceptance of our ideas. Also that we need to ask them when we don't understand them rather than dismissing them out of hand.

Your thoughts?

Technorati tags: mental bubbles, communication, managing change

Background People

It is amazing when you stop to listen to and watch how some people treat others whom they consider to be background people. You know; the waitress, the cashier at the supermarket, the bus driver, and so on. Some people treat them as if they are subhuman.

Everyone deserves the same respect as we expect for ourselves. They have dreams and in a lot of cases their circumstances simply make it difficult for them to realize those dreams.

When we treat people differently than ourselves and our friends that is discrimination or poor self-esteem. Some might say that is a pretty strong statement and unfair but is it.

Your thoughts?

Technorati tags: respect for others, esteem

Absolute Answers

We have a tendency to stop at the first answer to our questions and never revisit the question again. For some things that is valid but more often we are just being lazy.

Perhaps we need to think that our answers to our questions are just placeholders until we find or are shown a better answer. This attitude leaves us open to hearing different viewpoints and answers.

Few things are absolute; such as we all breathe, feel, and die that we need to allow differing opinions than our own. After all we are still discovering new things daily.

Your thoughts?

Technorati tags: answers, questions

Stuck in a Box

We can find ourselves stuck in box with no apparent way out which is caused by our thinking. If we think something is not possible for us then we are in the box and all we do is keep bouncing off the walls of our limitations which are self-imposed.

By changing our thinking from not possible to it is possible but we just don't know yet how it will happen so we will change how we question and what we question. This creates possibilities that will lead to new decisions and actions and before we know it we are no longer in the box.

Another way of putting this is that what we believe is our reality and we always work within our reality. Change our mind and we change our reality.

Your thoughts?

Technorati tags: reality, managing change, possibilities

I Am

We can worry in some way about what other people think about us. For some of us it can be a constant source of anxiety and for some of us we can have an image of ourselves that we simply believe that others will have of us. But it really doesn't matter what we worry about or think that others think about us because we will be wrong in most cases.

Simply whatever you think I am or want me to be I am whether true or not.

Why waste a lot of time and effort trying to make others see us the way we want them to when it is not our choice. If we do what is right in situations then we will feel good about ourselves and then it will not matter what others think.

Your thoughts?

Technorati tags: self-image, self-worth

Keeping Track

We just get so busy attending to the details of life that we can forget to ask ourselves if we are enjoying life and does life have meaning for us.

There are two questions I ask myself daily that remind me to check and not get buried in the details. A way of keeping track. They are:

Have I found any joy today?

Have I given joy to anyone today?

Do you have a question or questions that you use to keep your centred on the important things of life?

Technorati tags: keeping meaning in our lives

Fitting In

We all worry to some degree about fitting in or perhaps we might want to call it being accepted. To some being accepted is everything and to others it calls for rebellion which is just another way of fitting in.

In either case we can worry so much about it that we lose sight of ourselves and our own needs. Fitting in requires a compromise between being ourselves and adapting to the group persona we have chosen to belong to. This dynamic push and pull could hide from ourselves what we feel is important for our own lives as we are so busy meeting the group expectations.

We need to find, accept, and be ourselves, forming a nucleus around which we will attract like minded individuals. We allow people to be themselves and put away the requirement that they conform to our expectations.

Definitely not an easy task but very rewarding in the end to all involved.

Is this possible or is it just idle thinking?

Your thoughts?

Technorati tags: comformity, expectations, self-expression

Change

There are many people who point fingers at others and say they need to change for many and varied reasons. We can easily see when and how others need to change in order to make a better life for themselves.

From romance to wealth we are often experts on the need to change. That's right the need but necessarily the how to change. We should resist telling people what they should do and start showing by our example how to accomplish what they need to do. Who knows; one example, could open up someone's eyes to the possibility that they too can change their lives for the better.

Do you agree that example is far more powerful than a book of words to bring about change?

Your thoughts?

Technorati tags: change, example

Resentment

One of the key obstacles to finding and appreciating joy in our lives is resentment. Resentment, bitterness and holding a grudge all interfere with us seeing and appreciating the joy that is always there in our lives.

When we are resentful we wander around in fog where we only see, hear, feel, and taste the object or objects of our resentment. We have tunnel vision and the whole universe is in on the act. We fail to see that the sun is shinning, that there is a gentle refreshing breeze blowing, that people are smiling at us and wish to share their joy.

Everything becomes tinted with the colour of our resentment. Life sucks, life is cruel, life is unfair and inconsiderate. Make a habit of resentment and depression and anger become prevalent in our lives.

The cure can be simple if we choose to allow it and that is to enjoy what is always there if we simply look for it and appreciate it. Nothing magical just part of being human and having choice.

Choose wisely.

Your thoughts?

Technorati tags: joy, resentment, obstacles

A Question

We have a tendency to give too much weight to fear in our lives. We are afraid of making the wrong choices. We all have a host of fears about what might happen to us and others important to us. We fear many different future possibilities.

We fear for our health, our wealth, our hopes, and of death before we have completed anything significant in our lives. We worry and fret in the present moment about things that may or may not occur and predict dire consequences in minute changes we imagine will impact us.

Sounds like we are contemplating the end of the world as we know it from our and other's conversations. It is easy to do this when we don't think we deserve good things to happen for us. We almost believe we will hex ourselves if we predict good things occurring for or happening to us. We certainly don't want to be put in the position of someone else telling us that we are not realistic so we keep the good thoughts hidden from others and sometimes ourselves.

So I have one question for all of us to answer.

Why be afraid of tomorrow when today is all we have?

Your thoughts?

Technorati tags: fear, future, possibilities

Outside the Box

Most of us are problem oriented as we have been taught by the educational system. The problem with this in coming up with solutions is the process itself. We end up defining a box within which the problem exists. That is the nature of describing known results and their causes.

When we have finished with this analysis we are usually no further ahead in solving it as we can get locked within our problem box and thereby restrict our perspective.

To think outside of the problem box is very simple. First ignore trying to define the problem and instead focus on what the solution would look, sound, and feel like. Then we can look to how we bring about what is now a clear objective.

Working backwards from the solution is thinking outside the box as there are no restrictions being used in defining the solution as there are when we define the problem.

Simplistic?

Your thoughts?

Technorati tags: solutions, problem solving

Self-Abuse

Have you ever found yourself saying things like that was dumb or that was stupid or what
an idiot I was. Well you are not alone in doing this. We believe that in order to prevent
results that we don't want that we should clearly identify our goofs and make sure that
we own up to our responsibility for causing them.
Hogwash!
The only reason we now label our actions that way is because we have a 
new perspective given to us by our results.
With our new perspective we will not take the same actions again 
but will choose different ones and get different results. 
Who knows perhaps we will like those results better.
As we are never able to have the identical situations arising again perhaps we should stop giving 
ourselves negative reinforcement and instead learn to laugh at ourselves.
Humor always gives a new perspective and we will always make better decisions when we are in a good mood.
Life is full of lessons and we need to learn them in a beneficial way that increases our possibilities for choices rather reducing them.
Your thoughts?

Perspective

It is amazing the number of people who presume that they would have lived your life better than you have. That given the same circumstances you have encountered they would have done better and don't hesitate to tell you so.
That is arrogance speaking when we do that about someone else's life. The first assumption we make is that we understand fully what they have gone through. The second assumption is that while in the midst of change we would have seen clearer the results of the decisions being made and therefore would have made better ones. The third assumption is that we would not have made the bad choices.
Anyone can stand back after the fact including ourselves and say that was dumb but that was not obvious when we made the best choice we could at the time. Really the only thing we can really talk about is what lessons did we learn from life.
It is all about perspective.
Your thoughts?

Approval Junkies

We all like to receive approval from others. We start with our parents as we grow up and then include friends, teachers, bosses, social groups, extended families and so on.

We can get so involved in the continual seeking of approval that we extend it from relationships to our choices. Choices such as food, clothing, entertainment, possessions, attitudes, philosophies, and the like.

Where does it stop?

For some people never. They can live their entire lives in the shadow of other people's approval without ever stopping and determining for themselves what is important and how do they want to conduct their lives. Is it any wonder that business thrives on our being approval junkies.

If we live our lives this way we can reach the point where we become afraid of thinking for ourselves. Why someone else may not like it and so we never speak out or create because we have lost our ability to do so. We don't know who we are anymore unless we check the opinion poll.

Your thoughts?

Technorati tags: purpose, life, vision

Followers

It is amazing to talk or read people who consider themselves to be independent thinkers to find that they are really parrots. Yes parrots. They simply repeat popular sayings, thoughts, and philosophies simply because they are the current trend.

When you discuss almost any key topic with them they flounder when challenged on why they think the way they do. They have no depth of thought, no personalization of the topic, and they produce arguments which are not thought out or do not support their contention.

In short they really don't think they just parrot what they read in the paper, watch on TV, or find on the Internet. They are not independent thinkers because they don't think about the topics they just digest what they are fed.

Thinking is a skill that needs to be practiced to become good at it. People who have thinking skills do not usually think that their viewpoint is necessarily the "truth" but an ongoing exploration open to question and revision. They are prepared to listen and discuss.

In boils down to the fact that the second you don't think then you follow. Something to think about.

Your thoughts?

Technorati tags: thinking skills, followers

Choices Choices

We often think that when we make choices that they apply only in the moment and we can when we find out that we don't like the old choice then we can just make a new one. True but a very narrow perspective on the implications of making choices.

Each choice we make is of course the best one we can see at the time of making it which means that we will end up living with that choice until such time as we see that the results are not to our expectations.

There is no such thing as no impact from making a choice. A choice is a commitment to action on our part even if only a mental one. There is no going back to the past to start over as if the choice had not been made.

Choice is a powerful tool and we might even say that there is no such thing as trivial choices as each one changes our possibilities for future choices.

Your thoughts?