Wednesday, February 27, 2008


If we look closely we would find that there is a relationship between fear of change and being controlling where ever possible in our lives. We tend to be controlling when we try to freeze life into a particular mould and in that way fix our future.

However we can all appreciate that life tends to ignore controls and moulds despite our best efforts. the bottom line is that we could spend our entire life being frustrated by our attempts to control the winds of life. They blow hot or cold, fast or slow, from a gentle breeze to a cyclone regardless of our desires.

like sailors we need to learn how to adapt to the winds and use whatever comes up to push us in the direction we want to go and so eventually arrive at our desired destination. There will be times we are becalmed and times we need to batten down the hatches and seek sheltered moorings while the gale blows.

Sailors work with the winds and accept whatever comes which is a great attitude for sailing through life.

Your thoughts?

Monday, February 25, 2008

Compromise or Arrangement

There are people who refuse to compromise in any way on what they want to do, when they want to do it and how they want to do it despite living with others. They consider it a relationship when it is only an arrangement.

The difference lies with one word compromise. A relationship whether casual or deeply intimate requires compromise on everybodys part. Give and take with the best interests of the relationship the determining factor.

If we find ourselves in an arrangement that no longer works we can renegotiate or end it as we choose. A relationship on the other hand has a greater degree of emotional content that can carry a heavy cost to end.

We must recognize whether we have a arrangement rather than a relationship when deciding how much we are going to compromise in order to keep it going. The second point is that we need to make sure that we don't mistake an arrangement for a relationship when placing demands on others.

Your thoughts?

Sunday, February 24, 2008

Are We Special

One of the most difficult things to do is to stop thinking that we are special. You know that others should automatically know our wants and needs and should make sure that they don't trespass on our boundaries.

We might say not me but think about it. When someone is loud and interrupts us when we want quiet what do we think. That they have no consideration or respect for us. If others continue to pursue their own objectives instead of ours what do we think.

If we cannot convince others what do we think about them. When we are hurt by the actions of others what do we think. It can be a very long list that is generated by that thought that we are special.

This type of thinking leads easily to us taking everything personally because we think we are special but the bottom line is that we are not any more special than anyone else.

When we change our thinking to considering relationships and how we contribute to those relationships then our whole focus changes along with the results achieved.

Your thoughts?

Thursday, February 21, 2008

Lessons and Mistakes

We spend a lot of time and effort constantly reinventing our future. As changes happen we look for and find ways to use that change to go towards our goal or to avoid potential problems. Everyone does it in one form or another.

There is a way to use this talent for reinvention that potentially could have a greater impact on improving our lives. If we can reinvent our future why not also reinvent out past.

If we were to take everything that we consider to be a mistake or those decisions we regret and reframed them as steps towards our goals would it make difference.

I believe it would. We would no longer have a negative connotation on the lessons we needed to learn so as to arrive at our goal. We would lose the fear of making the same mistakes that can end up holding us back.

We would learn to take change and lessons as a natural part of life rather than learning how to avoid making mistakes which quite frankly is impossible to start with.

Your thoughts?

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Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Self-help Project

If we were to look in the self-help section of the bookstore we would find all kinds of formula for accomplishing a desired goal. Life seems to have been successfully reduced to a series of precise steps which will bring about a specific result.

Many of us at one time or another may have tried to follow these self-help steps. Sometimes they lead us towards our goal and sometimes they lead us astray. We might say that some formula work only for the author which is why they wrote it in the first place. It worked for them.

The problem is that no one else is like them and therefore get varying results for their efforts. There are no magical formulas as life is entirely a self-help project and we are all unique. There are no miracle cures to be passively accepted and followed.

We simply get results from our actions and interactions with others and if we want something different then do something different and observe the result to determine our next action.

Your thoughts?

Tuesday, February 19, 2008


For some the ending of something is an occasion for sadness and regret instead of recognizing that it is a natural part of life. After all life is a process not something to be gotten over with.

With a small shift in perception a lot of unnecessary sadness could be eliminated from our lives. Change is a part of life and it usually starts when something ends rather than when something begins.

It is the ending that provides the opportunity for us to change something in our life to give us a different present or future outcome.  In a lot of situations something has to be over before something new can begin.

Your thoughts?

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Monday, February 18, 2008

Life and Rules

People often seek to have a set of rules for life for obvious reasons. If we can have a set of rules then we can predict our future instead of coping with the uncertainty of results for our actions.

People can often create rules which when viewed by others make absolutely no sense but which they cling to despite evidence to the contrary. They develop a blind spot in their thinking and observations of the world around them.

Rules imply control and a comfort zone for people that they need but at the same time it ignores the interaction between people that changes events or events which are generated by others.

We don't like uncertainty.

Perhaps we need to recognize that life is not about control and rules but about choices in each and every moment. The quality of our life is determined by our choices.

Your thoughts?

Sunday, February 17, 2008

In Control

There is a lesson that takes some of us a long time to learn if ever. We can go through stages where we try to ignore people who can make us angry in an attempt to maintain our own balance in life but always somehow they get under our skin.

We can try to focus on letting others be what they are without judgement but somehow we still end up judging them by our standards. There is that little voice in our head that whispers to us no matter what we try to do.

We can try to blank out our response to whatever we feel is a lack of respect for ourselves by others but then judgement still seeps in to our thoughts.

Perhaps the trick is not to try and ignore or change others but to ensure that their actions do not change us from what we desire ourselves to be. Then we are in control of our life rather than others.

Your thoughts?

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Monday, February 11, 2008

New Provider

I will be down for this week as I am finding and setting up a new provider. Will be back next week hopefully on a daily basis once more.

Thursday, February 7, 2008

It's Not Personal

We had a major storm hit Toronto yesterday with road closures, traffic and transportation delays as can be expected under the circumstances. What was interesting is watching and hearing the various reactions in this situation.

Some people took it in stride and patiently waited for bus while others fretted and fumed as if the weather did not exist as a problem but the bus drivers. I heard one person complain to the driver as he got on the bus that they were 7 minutes late and 35 minutes later say to driver "I guess slow is better than never" in a sarcastic tone.

The person has sat there for 35 minutes angry about the bus being late. What they didn't realize is that the bus was not 7 minutes late but 1 hour and 7 minutes late. They didn't realize how fortunate they were that a bus even arrived.

But this can be how some people go through life. Everything is personal and they get upset about it. What a waste of time and makes you wonder if they ever have any good times.

Most things just happen through a combination of circumstances and is really not personal at all. If we can eliminate this kind of useless worry and aggravation then we could our lives more fully and more often.

Your thoughts?

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Monday, February 4, 2008


Some of us can want something so badly that we seduce ourselves into believing that we can easily obtain it with little effort. We simply don't see the pitfalls or the preparation necessary to accomplish our goal.

Then we wonder why we fail time after time or get blindsided by the unexpected. We have a warped perception of the task ahead of us and ill prepared to accomplish it.

We need to learn pessimism is not always a negative viewpoint but a necessary check and balance needed to formulate a plan of action. Anticipation of events and situations that could derail our plan allows us to see early enough to respond by modifying our actions in time to minimize or circumvent the problem.

Flexibility can only happens if we are prepared to modify how we are accomplishing the task while maintaining the goal. Progress is always incremental and may require detours to arrive at our final destination.

Optimism provides the fuel to get started while pessimism keeps us prepared to respond to events.

Your thoughts?