I am so disappointed, sad, upset, or angry with you. This is usually the opening salvo of a fight at worse or at minimum of placing blame on you as the cause of a problem.
This common practice of placing the other person as the cause of the problem then gives us the superior position of being the person wronged. We then perceive that we have the power in the dispute; that is, we will determine the acceptability of their response. Only we can decide that it is finished when we are satisfied.
Now we have a power struggle where the other party has to defend themselves by possibly dragging up other issues that prove they were right in their actions. Now it is about who is right and no longer about the original issue.
Much like a war the ending may leave one of the parties feeling victimized and ready at a moments notice to resume the argument whenever they feel they have more ammunition. It festers and colors the whole relationship.
Is there a better way?
What if instead of placing blame we were to say that our relationship has a problem we jointly need to resolve. By making it our problem and our solution we take away blame and who is right from the equation. After all isn't it about solving the problem rather than starting a war.
Do you think this is possible? Your thoughts?