Friday, May 11, 2007

Thoughts on Loneliness

There are people who just cannot be alone. They end one relationship and almost before the door is closed they are in a new one. They leap from lily pad to lily pad in an endless circle game or compromise their dreams and desires for the sense of security.

If we find out someone lives alone our minds can go into hyperactive mode until we come up with an explanation. From unrequited love to shameful secrets; the reasons can be quite creative and could bear absolutely no resemblance to the truth. We can sometimes form tag teams or flying squads whose sole purpose is to ensure that a friend or family member almost never has to stay alone. We have created an equation alone = loneliness.

Loneliness is a feeling we all get as children and is at its most prevalent in our teens and 20's. This continues for our lifetime normally getting more infrequent and of shorter duration as we age. Acute loneliness can arise for the survivor of a long term relationship and time needs to be allowed for transition. Sometimes it never goes away and they die of a broken heart.

Alone is a physical state meaning an absence of people. Period. Being alone is a rite of passage to be being comfortable with being by ourselves. When we are comfortable then we can be alone but not lonely. 

Food for thought.

23 conversations:

Carol said...

What a great message this is for me at this time in my life. I have learned to enjoy my own company and cherished those times when I have lived alone. I enjoy the comfotableness that comes with getting older and being alone is not something to fear.

Peter Haslam said...

I share that Carol and it is good to see you back.

Comedy + said...

Very good Peter. Right on the money as usual. You aren't sitting on top of a mountain somewhere where people climb to you for your sage advice? It wouldn't surprise me if you were.

Being alone does not always equate to lonely.

Peter Haslam said...

I am on a ledge somewhere in the clouds Sandee not even sure it is a mountain :)

cosmicsurfer said...

A great saint once said, "no hurry, no worry, no sorry".

I have found in living by my self, I have gotten to know...myself...my passions...and creativity far more...these are Pricless to me.

Diving into are passions are a cure for anything.

Peter, you have a very strong resemblance to a Monk friend of mine...

All the Best My Friend !!!******

Peter Haslam said...

Cosmic Surfer thank you for adding to the conversation. I think it is my smile that gives me away :)

Theresa111 said...

Peter, You can be alone in a crowded room. It is partially a state of mind. Good subject because it can apply to everyone. Drop by for a hello.

Tina said...

Hi there - I love your blog. I came across it from the Digital Nomad research you're doing.

With regards to loneliness - I believe that the general sadness that people who are "alone" AND suffering from "loneliness" feel, is sometimes and in many cases a feeling of inadequacy. People may ask themselves why they are alone, what did they do wrong to be alone? Is it that nobody wants to be with them? As we grow older - we begin to realise that everyone is alone at some point - and that it doesn't make you "faulty" in anyway shape or form. Once we realise this we can then start enjoying our own company... I think??? Something like that anyway... teehee...
www.escapengland.blogspot.com

surjit said...

Very profound words... 'When we are comfortable then we can be alone but not lonely.'A good post.
Best of luck.

Random Magus said...

I think we are afraid of being alone because we need validation and if we can't validate ourself we need the presence of someone else to do it for us.
Some people are always in a relationship because I think they are truly scared to discover themselves and that they might not like what they see.

Peter: I thought of an idea don't know how it will work out but tell me if it has merit. I have posted a single question today and then plan to keep adding the comments that I get to the question on to the main post with links to the bloggers who wrote them - a sort of visual dialogue

Peter Haslam said...

Thank you surjit
Theresa111 your point is well taken

Bobby Revell said...

Loneliness is something we all feel. Blogging has helped me with it and I'm sure everyone who has ever blogged. Good job Peter . . .

Peter Haslam said...

Thanks bobby and how is the date going :)

Empress Bee (of the High Sea) said...

i have never been alone in my life. not for a single day. ever. i cannot imagine what it might feel like...and don't want to!

smiles, bee

Peter Haslam said...

That does not surprise me Bee you have a great outlook on life and a sparkling personality to go with it. I am glad I count you amonst my friends :)

Tisha! said...

right on Peter! glad I clicked on your link on The Thinking Blog :)

as much as I love people I do need time alone but very rarely am I lonely, so many of my friends don't get that.

Peter Haslam said...

That's so true tisha Glad you could join us

I-Banking dreamer said...

great thoughts...such a common phenomenon it is...u somtimes reach such lows n such highs...n the phase jus comes n u cant do nethin..how much ever u try to win over it

Peter Haslam said...

i-banking dreamer loneliness is a feeling and as such appears and our response tells us much about ourselves

Peter Haslam said...

Right on Tina

Peter Haslam said...

Random magus interesting idea. I think it is a good idea

Palos Verdes homes said...

Man by nature is a social being and can never live isolated but there are times when things get tough and we feel there's nobody to care for us. Its not good to suffer from loneliness, health wise, such a condition has always led to depression and heart diseases. We all need to be alone sometimes to relax and enjoy our own world but loneliness is a parasite which slowly tries to suck us dry.

pacific grove foreclosures said...

I do not like being lonely especially if it is not out of choice. However it is also good to have some time alone and away from other people. It gives us time to meditate and connect with our inner selves.