Friday, July 27, 2007

Gossip and Lies

Truth matters. When we manipulate people and lie to them because we decide that it is in their or our interests then we take something from them. We treat them as the means to some other end and definitely not in their best interests.

We might delude ourselves by saying that it is a little white lie and we don't want to hurt their feelings or we just don't want to tell them the truth.

In every case we are not being true to ourselves and getting in the habit of not telling the truth has an impact on us and what we hold to be important for us. Eventually most lies get discovered and we have at that point lost an important ingredient necessary for any kind of relationship.

 We are no longer trustworthy.

Once lost it is almost impossible to gain back again. It is much better to say nothing than it is to lie. Even better to tell the truth and we need to be very careful that our truth isn't just gossip. If we don't know personally because we were involved in the situation then it is only gossip and remember always that is also only our interpretation.

Is it possible not to gossip or lie?

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6 conversations:

Ed said...

I didn't like to say anything, but that guy at number 22... Personally I turn off when it comes to gossip, not because I don't like to chat about other people, but because I know how addictive and non-productive it could be, so best not to even go there. As for lying, that is a big no-no once you get past teenage years.

Lying takes a phenomenal memory, and personally I have better things to do than remember a string of lies which someone someday will expose me for.

Peter Haslam said...

Good points Ed thanks

Comedy + said...

Often what you think is gossip may in fact be true. Over the years at work I would often go to the source of some story or another and say, "You should'nt be talking about this or that" only to find out that they heard it from the horses mouth. So, that is one side.

Then there are those who thrive on twisting partial truths into less than flattering stories. I would then find the truth and in an appropriate setting tell that person that they got their story wrong. This cooled their heels. I will tell you that I warned this one particular person in private first, but she didn't listen. It was open to all after that. I wasn't mean, but eventually she was very careful what she said. Bottom line...people didn't gossip around me. If they came to me with an issue they backed it up by facts.

I have lied to my bosses about little things. Perhaps their speech or some other presentation. This is not a person that is close to me...but a working relationship.

My friends and family are another thing. No lying. Period. Besides, I could never remember the lie after some time passed. Excellent post. :)

Peter Haslam said...

Excellent points Sandee

Empress Bee (of the High Sea) said...

it's not impossible, but it's difficult! to completely tell the truth all the time. but i try. gosh i hate it when i get asked something like how do you like my hair though. i usually hate it. what to do? say what?

gossip is another thing entirely to me. and it is usually hateful. and i have been guilty of listening to it too. my mil was the queen of gossip. bless her heart.

smiles, bee

Peter Haslam said...

I also find it difficult Bee :)