Thursday, June 28, 2007

Winning At All Costs

There we are angry, red-faced and determined to have our way. Nothing will budge us. How many arguments have we had where it was our way or the highway? How many times did we end up exasperated and saying things that ending up doing major damage to our relationships?

It stems from the same cause that is reflected in all kinds of wars and skirmishes. A lack of alternatives. An inability to compromise.

What is compromise but looking for a win-win solution for all parties involved. It takes us looking at the situation from another's perspective. Not to diminish our own needs in the situation but to be able to understand the needs of the other people involved.

When we draw a line in the sand and declare the only solution to be whatever we state then we force the other person into doing the same. Then naturally our emotions get involved and it takes off from there. We are treating the issue as a life and death situation.

When we get in these types of situations can we step back and choose a different solution or has it already gone to far for us to change our stance and seek a compromise.

What do you think?

14 conversations:

Camille said...

Peter,

I want to thank you for the kind considerations and your thoughtfulness. I really appreciate the input.

I'm glad to see you're doing so well on your blog. I remember we started blogging at around the same time and I found you early on. It's nice to see us both growing together and evolving on this parallel journey. Keep up the good work and congratulations on the interesting community you've created.

Camille

Peter Haslam said...

Thank you Camille and I am still waiting for the book :) I enjoy reading your blog and the perspective that you share

Mimi Lenox said...

It's so easy to spout out words we regret in anger. I hate it when that happens. You can't take them back.

Empress Bee (of the High Sea) said...

many years ago both sarge and i thought we had to be right. arguments abounded! ha ha, now, it just doesn't matter. i respect that he has an opinion, even if it is not the same as mine. we just sort of mosey along and have fun. this is much better!

smiles, bee

Peter Haslam said...

Very true Mimi something I also have regretted

Peter Haslam said...

You do set the example Bee thank you

The Real Mother Hen said...

My problem is when I'm in that situation, I can't "detach", therefore can't think, can't see the alternative :(

Comedy + said...

I worked in an very ego charged environment and I cannot say that I didn't have a very determined need to be right. This has lessened over the years however. I just don't get involved with emotionally charged issues anymore. I distance myself from them immediately. I don't want the stress anymore. My family and friends can have whatever views they like and I can have mine. We respect each other for our likenesses as well as our differences. Makes for a happy place to be. Have a great weekend Peter. :)

Peter Haslam said...

You are not alone in that situation The real Mother Hen I find myself having the same difficulties

Peter Haslam said...

A very good approach Sandee choose our disputes wisely

Jennifer said...

I think this is where game theory comes in... ya know?

Finding solutions that are in the best interest of all!

;-)

Thanks for this Peter,

JJ

Peter Haslam said...

Good one Jennifer

ed said...

Read about Pyrrhus and his victory and you realise compromise is the only way.

Some say you mustnt ever compromise, To a point that is true, when it comes to strong principles, you shouldnt go over a mark, but that doesnt mean you cant find a different way to proceed up to that boundary.

Peter Haslam said...

Good point about principles Ed thank you