Sunday, May 27, 2007

Have a Problem With Self-Esteem

The convenient thing about classifications, patterns, habits and beliefs is that they help us predict the future; the results of our present behavior. We spent a lot of time learning growing up matching actions with results and forming our perceptions of the casual relationship between the two.

Patterns are a huge time saver for ourselves. Putting on our clothes is one example. If we have 5 pieces of clothing then we have 120 different ways we could get dressed. (5*4*3*2*1=120) So it is convenient and efficient to get dressed the same way each time and therefore only have 1 ordered way to dress.

Because of our use of patterns we try to apply it whenever possible to make life easy for ourselves. If we try hard enough we can usually find a casual relationship that we use to both predict and manage our life. We also easily adopt and use patterns that other people have discovered.

The problem comes when we try to apply standard patterns to subjective concepts. If we find out that we could feel bad about ourselves because of issues of self-esteem or self-worth; then, we look for a definition and a solution pattern we can apply.

The problem is that there are as many solution patterns as there are people. It's subjective. It's up to us. We look outside when we don't trust ourselves to have an answer. There is a $10 Billion dollar industry out there just waiting for us to go looking.

If we were to change our perspective slightly and say that self-esteem and self-worth were really about pride in our accomplishments. Then if we want more self-esteem; just do something; no matter how small, that you could be proud of. The what is totally up to us.

The accomplishment is in the action and subsequent feelings that we have. There is no need to look outside of ourselves we have all the tools we need.

Create your own patterns of success. Create your world your way.

14 conversations:

paisley said...

i agree that a sense of accomplishment equals a heightened sense of self esteem.

i have found this particularly true in blogging,, as it is in its own way a quick fix, an instant gratification of ones desire to be noticed for their expertise in whatever it is they blog about.....or the way in which they do it....

Peter Haslam said...

Absolutely correct paisley. Good example and its all yours and not dependent on anyone elses opinion.

Jennifer said...

Hi Peter...

This is great! I love how you are able to take such "big issues" and make them simple and clear and manageable.

I think you are right, sometimes just a slightly new way of understanding can make huge changes.

Thanks for this!

JJ

Peter Haslam said...

thank you for the compliment jennifer it is appreciated. It can be surprising how much a little change can impact on our perceptions

S. Camille Crawford said...

Great thinking Peter.

Peter Haslam said...

Thank you camille love your rooftop gardin :)

Comedy + said...

I am the master of my ship. Again, right on the money and we don't need a snake-oil salesman showing us the path that isn't there. Excellent.

Peter Haslam said...

fair sailing Sandee

Empress Bee (of the High Sea) said...

i never really thought about blogging that way. i have to mull that one over a bit. thanks for making me think peter....

smiles, bee

Peter Haslam said...

You're welcome Bee it makes me think as well

Empress Bee (of the High Sea) said...

so okay i'm back. are y'all saying our blogging is our self esteem? i mean it may be so but i never thought of it that way. interesting.

smiles, bee

Peter Haslam said...

If it makes you proud Bee then yes that's true for you. I know that I treasure the people I have met through my blog and yes I am proud I make a contribution.

Ed said...

If you dont get hung up on a sense of ego, presumably you don'tsuffer from self esteem issues?

Peter Haslam said...

That's the issue in a nutshell Ed. Ego, self-esteem, self-worth are what i would term psyhcobabble. Try and define anyone of them and we could argue to the sun comes up and really not get to a simple way of looking at it that everyone agrees with. Pride is a simple concept that shifts it into something that can be easy grasped and defined by each of us.
A bully or criminal often has a very high level of self-esteem but little or no respect for others or by others outside their peer group. But in a criminal group they would be justified and respected. Just different standards but same issues. Ego issues deal with an incorrect self-evaluation of the assumed respect one perceives they have. (pompous ass). But the point is to think about it in a different way. Someone with low self-esteem can still find something to be proud of. Even a homeless person can find pride in surviving.