Friday, April 20, 2007

Time Does Not Heal Wounds

There is an old saying that time heals all wounds. If that were true then we wouldn't hear stories about family members or friends that haven't spoken to each other for decades.

Initially there is a very personal hurt that occurs after which one of the parties decides to not speak to the other until they apologize. Each day the hurt and anger is revisited and reinforced and so it continues until it becomes etched in stone. The likelihood of reconciliation diminishes over time and and the possibility of taking the first step to resolve the issue becomes impossible should the other person die.

There are causes that end a relationship in which both parties understand the reason for it and it is the most appropriate action to take. But there are other situations where it is a misunderstanding at the root of the problem.

We need to first ask the question is the relationship something we want to keep. If that is true then we need to take the first step by explaining to the other person why we felt hurt by their actions or to ask them what we have done to cause the outburst. This may take the form of a letter, a call or a meeting depending on the circumstances.

If neither of us makes the first move; then, the relationship is lost.

To make the first move is an act of courage because we are afraid of being hurt even more. Just remember that it is not time but action that heals our relationships.

This is a lesson I wish I had learned long ago and before losing some relationships that I still regret today.

 

10 conversations:

Ed said...

I took an opportunity last year to try and rebuild a couple of friendships that had fallen by the wayside. I guess they weren't ready! Maybe one day...

Have you ever been published in real life? Your posts would make great standalone cameos.

Peter Haslam said...

No I haven't ed but I am thinking of an ebook.

Sarakastic said...

This got me thinking about friendships I have lost & what I can do to heal them, great post

Peter Haslam said...

Thank you sarakastic

Marisa said...

I have issues with holding a grudge. It is one of my greatest flaws. This post really hit home with me.

Peter Haslam said...

It hit home as I was thinking about it marisa

Ole Blue The Heretic said...

Saying you are sorry takes courage.

Peter Haslam said...

ole blue the heretic an interesting moniker and I enjoyed your Haiku on Spring. Yes, saying you are sorry is an act of courage. Thank you for your comment

Empress Bee (of the High Sea) said...

i think time does heal wounds on the loss of a loved one though, not an argument, but a loss. the process of anger, resentment, all the feelings, i think in the end the good memories come to the front. at least i hope it works that way!

smiles, bee

Peter Haslam said...

Yes Bee I would agree if we choose to remember the good then the bad fades into the background.