Biggest Block to Change

Why are we able to easily change some things and not others has intrigued us to the point of creating a whole self-help industry to answer that question. We have all made decisions or reacted to changes beyond our control with absolutely no problem. We just did it. So what is the stumbling block to the changes we want to make but can't seem to do?

Perhaps it is two simple words that create the block. Those two words are "I am". I am fat, I am stupid, I am no good at ....., I am ....? Whatever we say to ourselves and others is what we are because it is a belief we have created for ourselves and no one knows us like we do so, it has to be true and  thus we build our beliefs on who we are and how we function in this world of ours. It really is about our reality and only has to make sense to ourselves.

Perhaps the solution to change is simply deciding that "We are" something different and train ourselves to live that way just the way we taught ourselves to live the way we no longer want

Your thoughts?

Why Are We Here

A question that has existed through the ages. When we look into the question for ourselves we can find many and varied answers. Is it karma, reincarnation, lessons, a fluke of nature, or God in a myriad of forms? There is no definitive answer.

I believe the answer to the why question is whatever we choose for ourselves to believe. End of story. Hold on you say; what if you are wrong. What then? Then I will be wrong and no different to how I have had to live my life. That is, not knowing the future perfectly and living with my mistakes and learning from them.

Someone might say it will be too late to learn after you are dead and we could answer how do you know that. That is what you have chosen to believe. We could choose to believe that death is a door and we will find out for sure when we go through it and no sooner. That is why it is called faith and yes even an atheist has faith.

Instead I think the question we need to be answering is how do we want to live our life. Do we want it full of fear, anger, love, compassion, or living only for ourselves. This is a far more important question as we have control over how we live no matter what our circumstances.

This is our choice. This is right now.

Crazy?

Technorati tags: living fully, perspective

Beliefs and Values

Beliefs are our perception of the universe and our place in it. It is our pair of glasses that we don to view events and things and determines what we pay attention to or ignore and they are totally subjective.

To put it another way it is our choice of beliefs that makes sense of our universe to us by explaining our experiences and what we see and know. If we choose to see the universe as a dark and hostile place; then, it is. We are always looking out for and protecting our self-interests.

This is a primary focus of a lot of self-help programs to putting you on track for your "quality" life that you deserve and can have with their program. Change your beliefs (perceptions); especially limiting ones, and you are on your way. Is it that simple?

We have two people who are offered a chance to accept a new job that will give them more opportunity, more money, and more things but it will mean almost no time for their family.

How did they make the choice? One person accepts and one person declines. Does the one declining have some limiting belief holding them back? Not necessarily.

One person defined the value of the new job as providing for the family in an economic sense and a necessary sacrifice in spending time with the family. The other declined by defining the value for the family as being involved and spending quality time with them.

Our beliefs affect how we see things but it is our values that choose for us.

Technorati tags: beliefs, values, perspective, personal growth

Top 5 Self-Help Myths

This blog is about thinking; one of our most important skills and offers a perspective for us to consider. On to the list in no particular order and certainly not all inclusive.

#1. Change requires special techniques.

• We buy a new house, car, boat or join a new club. When we think there is a benefit - no problem.
• Detours, weather, our favorite coffee stop closes. When we have no choice - no problem.
• Quit smoking, lose weight, or addictions. - When it is our choice - problem.

Sometimes we may need some medical assistance when there are physical issues involved; but, we can change the only thing that we truly control and that is our behavior. We have to give up something; our old behaviors, and start new ones. One small change leads to new experiences that in turn leads to new changes towards our goals. No special techniques required; just our power of choice.

#2. Just change our feelings.

• Don't think negative thoughts. When we feel sad, angry, or embarrassed just think positive thoughts.
• When we feel depressed think about happy occasions in the past.
• When we get angry at someone else's behavior; just dial it down.
• We can feel happy and good about ourselves all the time.

No amount of skill will stop our emotional response to anything that excites or bothers us.We feel what we feel. Period. Feelings come and go as circumstances change. We can change how we behave with our feelings when they arise. If we choose to.

#3. I know what you think and believe even if you don't.

• Beliefs are hidden from ourselves and someone else has the ability to know what that is even though they do not have knowledge of all of our life experiences and feelings.
• All they can possibly know is their assumptions on our behavior.

Our behavior is our beliefs in action. If we want to know our beliefs just watch our actions and feelings. Does seeing a homeless person cause disgust, pity or compassion? When you see someone with arms loaded approaching the door do you wait and hold it open? Do you greet a new day with a smile or a curse? Beliefs are not hard to find at all. Just pay attention.

#4. If we have this first then we can have that.

• If we can be rich then we won't worry about being such a worrier.
• When we feel good about ourselves then we can take care of our weight problem.

As if feeling good will change our eating habits or being rich would change our worrying habit. We do this because we just don't want to make the change. If we don't; then don't. If we do; then do. It's our life and our choice. Just don't waffle.

#5 We are missing some essential ingredient to make life work.

• There is something out there that we are missing and if we had it then magic will happen and someone else knows what that is.
• That life has rules and we just need to understand them.

Life is not a precise scientific experiment. Life is a chaotic experimental trial and error existence. We have everything we need to conduct our own experiment. Trust our own experiences and accept anything else conditionally.

Food for thought.

Thanks to Darren Rowse and his Top 5 Writing Group Project at Problogger for the inspiration for this post.

Technorati tags: thinking skills, personal growth, perspective, beliefs

Thinking on Addictions

I was asked a question that I feel deserves a post because it is one that has truly fascinated me for some time. This is because of my own history of dealing with my personal addictions and my experiences as a Reiki Master; with energy healing, as a hypnotist; in issues of pain and healing, and when I was teaching Martial Arts; the various aspects of Qi (Chi), prana, mana, ka, and Qigong to name a few.

The question: Addiction. Do you think it is learned? inherited? 

This deals with the field of behavioral genetics and more specifically psychiatric genetics. Studies have at best shown a 50-60% correlation in alcoholism appearing in a family tree. I would rather say that there could be an inherited predisposition to alcoholism. However there are numerous documented twin studies where one of the children becomes an alcoholic and the other doesn't.

Recent research by  Dr. Bruce Lipton and covered in his book The Biology of  Belief revealed that genes do not in fact control our behavior, instead, genes are turned on and off by influences outside the cell. These influences include our perceptions and beliefs.

Dr. Candice Pert's research into peptides has shown that the receptors we have in our brain are also present throughout our bodies. Two of her books; Molecules of Emotion and Your Body is Your Subconscious Mind, in particular cover the interaction of body and mind.

I think that we can inherit genes that predispose people to addictions but it is not a final sentence. The fact that there are documented cases where people have conquered cancer and other diseases, ended addictions and the enigma of the placebo effect have convinced me that our perceptions, beliefs and environment do matter.

My take:

1. Cells react to their environment and modify themselves accordingly. Change the environment and they change.
2. The cells in our bodies die and are replaced including the brain totally every 7 years. Some in minutes, some in days, etc. Over time cells adapt themselves to a new environment that is after we quit smoking or stop drinking the cells adjust and craving decreases or stops.
3. People can make themselves get sick or die. Broken heart syndrome, witch doctors, hypochondriacs, false pregnancies. etc.
4. Quantum scientific discoveries on the fundamental basics of energy.
5. Rich history of yoga and martial arts in extraordinary physical and mental abilities as well as energy projection.
6. Thinking on and changing our perceptions about our past issues changes the impact they have on us.

Food for thought. Enjoy the meal.

Technorati tags: beliefs, thinking skills, perspective, managing change, personal growth, addictions

Fallacy of Limiting Beliefs

This is the second post in a three part series. Part 1 Thinking About Beliefs sets the groundwork for this post.

A large number of self-help programs talk about how limiting beliefs are preventing us from achieving the quality of life we want for ourselves by sabotaging our efforts. If we can find the source of this belief then we can change it.

In a word. Crap!

Lets take a little trip down memory lane. What were you feeling exactly 7 1/2 minutes ago? Was your left ear itching 1 hour ago? Think back to the last time you were at the park. How many people were there? What were they wearing? How many cars were in the parking lot? Our memory of events is selective and really doesn't represent reality very well at all. We could easily misrepresent what was happening at that time simply though what our perceptions allowed us to see. So using our memory to seek the causes of our limiting beliefs becomes very questionable.

Don't worry for those of us who believe it is necessary to know the cause in order to change a belief; we can if need be, make up a socially acceptable reason and claim it for our truth and have examples from memory to prove it and not even know that we are making it up.

[Note] A lot of therapies use this step for serious problems as a starting point for action and it can be a very useful tool to examine what we believe in an experts hands.

Let's look at another perspective on limiting beliefs. If you are reading this right now; congratulations. You are a survivor. Your beliefs have allowed you to live in this complex world and keep yourself alive. All of your beliefs. You notice that there is no reference to the quality of your life. That is a whole other issue. You exist today because of your beliefs and not in spite of your beliefs. There are no limiting beliefs when it comes to survival; only necessity. Enough said.

A fallacy or false belief is a misconception resulting from incorrect reasoning. That is why the post is titled as it is. Rather than worrying about our limiting beliefs; how about we acknowledge that our beliefs got us to this point in our lives and we simply want some changes.

Start from where we are; warts, wrinkles and all. Today's reality is our only starting point. It's all we have for a certainty.

Stay tuned for the next post in this series on The Number 1 Myth of Self-Help Programs.

 

Technorati tags: beliefs, personal growth, managing change, false beliefs

Thinking About Beliefs Part 1

This is the first post of a three part series on my thinking about beliefs.

Beliefs are difficult to think about. There are all kinds of definitions as to what a belief is. The one I often use is a quote from Edward de Bono a renowned thinker. "At its most powerful a belief is a perception that forces us to look at the world in such a way that the perception is validated."

The following diagram represents my perspective on how beliefs come about. It starts with a feeling that we have. We then tend to look at our current experiences; that is what is going on in our world at that time, and we naturally assume that they are the cause for that feeling. This is our perception of the causal connection between the feeling and the experience. The next time we have a similar feeling with a similar experience we reinforce our perception (our belief).

As the accumulation of experiences that we match to a particular feeling increases the stronger our certainty that our perception is correct; it is our truth. A belief then is something about which we have the feeling it is true and is so self-evident that the idea of questioning it is just not thought about.

Over time we add supporting beliefs that support the central core belief. The next diagram represents a single belief with the light blue circle being the core belief. The other shapes represent the supporting beliefs.

Let me use an example to illustrate.
We want to belong to our family group as it is essential to our survival. Our parents believe that we should be silent around adults as a sign of being well brought up and properly respectful. We are disciplined by being forced to go to our room or to stand facing the corner until we say that we will behave properly next time. This is repeated until we learn to be silent and are rewarded by being praised by our parents when our behavior is proper. These repeated experiences forms the connection between our experiences, our feelings and our results. Our perception matches our beliefs.

Later on we start school and want very much to be part of the group. We quickly find out that speaking out in the classroom gets the disapproval of the teacher. Now we form a secondary belief that expressing ourselves in school is bad behavior and we tack it on to the original belief. Similarly it could happen with our playmate groups, team sports and so on with the accumulated experiences teaching us that the belief is true. Our perception of how the world works is firmly validated and the belief is firmly rooted as part of our survival mechanism.

Now we cannot see any evidence that the belief is incorrect in any way as our perception filters out any contradiction to the belief. We simply ignore them.

The second post will be on the Fallacy of Limiting Beliefs and the third post on the Number 1 Myth of Self-Help Programs. Stay tuned.

Technorati tags: beliefs, perspective, thinking skills, personal growth

Thinking Skills and Perspective - Assumptions

There is a common way of thinking that can generate a lot of problems for ourselves. Have we ever said after looking around at our acquaintances, casual friends, work group, or at any social gathering; Boy, they have got their stuff together?

We look at other people and assume they don't have the same kinds of problems that we have. That somehow, they have mastered the art of living well and we haven't by a long shot.

The difficulty with this kind of perspective is that we start to assume that I alone suffer and it is a misconception on our part about the basic human condition. From Buddha Net - The First Noble Truth we can read an excerpt that covers it well.

Suffering or dukkha is the common bond we all share. Everybody everywhere suffers. Human beings suffered in the past, in ancient India; they suffer in modern Britain; and in the future, human beings will also suffer. What do we have in common with Queen Elizabeth? - we suffer. With a tramp in Charing Cross, what do we have in common? - suffering. It includes all levels from the most privileged human beings to the most desperate and underprivileged ones, and all ranges in between. Everybody everywhere suffers. It is a bond we have with each other, something we all understand.

When we narrow our perspective and exclude others from that viewpoint then we can far too easily assume it is a problem with us alone. Somehow we have not measured up. Keeping this thought in our minds can lead to a life narrowing obsession based on a false assumption.

We need to challenge our thinking when we start thinking like this and ask questions to determine why we think like this and does it have any basis in reality.

If it does; then, we have a call to take action. If not; then it is time to remind ourselves that we all suffer in different ways. After all, we are all human.

 

Technorati tags: thinking skills, perspective, suffering, self-learning

Challenge Your Limits

A favorite quote of mine is by a famous science fiction writer.

The only way of finding the limits of the possible is by going beyond them into the impossible. Arthur C. Clarke

It is so easy to just accept limits to what we can accomplish. The difference we could make in our lives or someone else's life. We can say to ourselves when I am established, when I am rich, when I ______, and we never start. But it does allow us to convince ourselves that we will when X happens. I don't know about you but I have found that today never works out to be what I imagined yesterday it would be.

Every Friday I do a limit check. This is the day I set a hour aside to remind myself how different my expectations were from what actual happened for the last week. How I handled the unexpected; did I do OK, did I blow it (lesson to be learned), did I just coast through the days; did I limit myself in some way from doing my best? Did I do anything towards my goals and why I did or did not?

It is an exercise I have found invaluable to me for challenging my own beliefs and limits. I find it also lessens my fears (False Evidence Appearing Real) by seeing first hand how true that statement is. We anticipate events or actions based on our assumptions of what will happen and the consequences. If our assumptions are at best a guess of what could happen and the result is bad for us and we believe that 100%; then, we will decide today not to risk it. If we understand that it is only one of the many possibilities and guesstimate a likelihood of it occurring as only 25% then we might attempt it and push our limits out. Now there are events that do have a 100% guaranteed result. Jumping in front of a moving Mack truck will get you hurt.

The trick is to build up our limit busting muscles starting with small nudges and as we get more confident to push a little harder and grow our ability to break out of our sandbox and live without some of our limits we have placed unnecessarily on ourselves.

How much better our lives would be and for anyone else who comes into contact with us.

When will you start your hour of power.

Technorati tags: limits, thinking skills, managing change, perspective

Obsessive Thoughts and Thinking Skills

 I will start with a definition of the word obsession. It is having persistent, repetitive, and unwanted thoughts that we cannot eliminate by logic or reasoning. Such as I'll NEVER amount to anything. NOBODY likes me. I am UNLUCKY. It's FATE. I'm FAT. I'm UGLY. We can all make a large list so I will stop there.

The first key is the word unwanted and the second key is that it is a belief. A belief does not have to have any supporting evidence or rationale. It is just true for us. Therefore, dealing with obsessive behavior and thoughts is all about managing our beliefs. If we are having obsessive thoughts then it is a loud alarm bell telling us we need to stop and deal with it for our own mental, emotional and often physical health. The long term consequences of carrying these beliefs will definitely diminish the quality of our lives. Sometimes the beliefs are so ingrained that we need to seek professionals to help us.

I used to have a lot of negative obsessive thoughts that I can certainly say diminished the quality of my life. The solution for me was to question my beliefs and determine if there was any validity to the statement or is it there simply because I never challenged it. I touched on this in a previous post.

This post was in response to a tag by Mark Robinson with a meme on obsessive thoughts. A meme is a question or list of questions that you saw somewhere else or were asked and you decided to answer.

So now I will answer it.

No, I do not have any obsessive thoughts any more. Remember one of the keys is unwanted thoughts. There are, however, thoughts that I have daily.

1. Remembering to be grateful for what I have.
2. Envisioning my future goals.
3. Remembering to be present and enjoy my life as it unfolds.
4. Contributing to my community of friends that I have fortunately  attracted into my life. Which includes those I have met through this blog.
5. Ensuring that Cleo my cat and Mistress of the house gets fed.

True to the theme of meme's I will tag the following who have the choice to participate or not.

Digital Nomad

Camille

Carol

Steli

Technorati tags: thinking skills, perspective, beliefs, meme, managing change