Necessary Skills

Opinions

2010-03-05T18:58:00.003-05:00

Most people have opinions on almost every subject we can think of and are prepared to tell anyone who asks what they are. Nothing wrong with this unless someone is looking for help on making an important decision or change in their life. What that person is really looking for is an informed opinion otherwise known as experience.
So how can we discover whether or not we are getting an informed opinion?
By using the skill of asking better questions. Instead of asking a person what they think about something we would ask do they have any experience with whatever we are interested in. In essence; does their resume have the skills to answer our need.
Your thoughts?

Traps

2009-11-26T21:53:00.003-05:00

Our habits of thinking can easily lead some of us into a trap that we sometimes don't recognize. When we are satisfied with our viewpoint on a topic we have effectively established a filter on our senses and our thinking that stops from reexamining that viewpoint even in the face of new information. We literally cannot even see that new information because of our filters. Unfortunately this can occur at a very early age or be affected by work and personal interactions.
Our filters in essence create a box within which we look for our answers. This leads us into the trap of continuing to ask the same question over and over again and frustrating ourselves by always getting answers from our box that don't work.
Perhaps the way to break the trap is to start searching for questions rather than continuing to look for more answers within our filtered box. New questions can come from reading, movies, conversations, controversy and so on. When we start looking for questions we will often find that we have a answer to that question that resonates with us and changes the filters we use.
Your thoughts?

Patience

2009-11-11T17:37:00.004-05:00

There are undervalued skills in this time of instant communication, instant social groups, instant news and needing instant results.
Most of us when we are making a change or achieving a goal tend to go overboard. Jumping into anything or everything that can stack the odds in our favor to complete the change/goal instantly without any consideration for our current habits and skills.
We often attempt most times to change too much and do it too quickly when it requires overturning the habits and thinking patterns we had for years and require new skills we don't currently have.
Perhaps the skills we need to develop and master before trying radical change are timing, appropriate choice of goals and above all patience.
Your thoughts?

No Escape

2009-11-02T16:48:00.003-05:00

Many of us think that there is a perfect path of choices that would successfully give us everything that we desire and beat ourselves up for once more making a poor choice that we are currently painfully receiving the results of.
This decision of ours that we have once more missed making the perfect choice of actions now colors our perceptions for making future choices and we can often lose the opportunity of a choice due to not being perfectly sure of the result.
Where does perception of perfect choice come from?
We look at successful people and automatically assume that they are successful because they made perfect planned choices from conception of idea to final result. Nothing could be further from the truth. Every success has portion of it which when examined consisted of luck, timing, cooperation of others, opportunity, etc. which could not be controlled by the individual.
Perhaps then there is no escape from making mistakes as it is a natural part of being human and we are cannot have total control over all things impacting our lives and our choices. Then we could stop being afraid of making mistakes.
Your thoughts?

Biggest Block to Change

2009-04-20T11:48:00.005-05:00

Why are we able to easily change some things and not others has intrigued us to the point of creating a whole self-help industry to answer that question. We have all made decisions or reacted to changes beyond our control with absolutely no problem. We just did it. So what is the stumbling block to the changes we want to make but can't seem to do?

Perhaps it is two simple words that create the block. Those two words are "I am". I am fat, I am stupid, I am no good at ....., I am ....? Whatever we say to ourselves and others is what we are because it is a belief we have created for ourselves and no one knows us like we do so, it has to be true and thus we build our beliefs on who we are and how we function in this world of ours. It really is about our reality and only has to make sense to ourselves.

Perhaps the solution to change is simply deciding that "We are" something different and train ourselves to live that way just the way we taught ourselves to live the way we no longer want

Your thoughts?

Reasons

2009-02-22T16:05:00.003-05:00

We can spend a great deal of time trying to discover the reasons for a particular situation we are in especially if we decide other people are involved. The moment we consider the situation may be caused by others we seem to go on a witch hunt. Who did it? Why did they do it? How do we prevent it from happening again? Just to name a few of the questions we could ask.
People take action according to their beliefs whether we agree or not so we could waste a lot of time and effort trying to answer why and never get it right. We can examine the situation for clues to preventing a similar situation occurring in future. After that we should just accept the results and move on.
Your thoughts?

Unhappy

2009-02-16T17:47:00.002-05:00

We seem to have a consistent and never ending ability to make ourselves unhappy. If we are happy there seems to be a little voice in the background saying it won't last or in some way we don't deserve it. It is part of a protective cover we maintain so that we don't get hurt and we can say see I told you it wouldn't last.
The trouble is that attitudes like this are self-fulfilling. We make them come true so that we don't have to deal with the true underlying issue of self-worth, our purpose in life, or pay attention to open issues we have yet to deal with.
Being happy and making others happy is one of the few fundamental freedoms where it is directly our choice. So if happiness is a choice then why don't we choose it more often?
Your thoughts?

Purpose

2009-02-09T22:42:00.004-05:00

It is generally believed that we need to find our purpose in life to be fulfilled. I don't argue that point but wonder whether we have only a single purpose as is often thought for our lifetime.
We are constantly changing according to the circumstances in our life. Events occur that are not in our control, peoples' decisions which we do not control impact us, changing knowledge and experiences change us, we age and see new concepts and interact with new people, and so on.
Perhaps we need to find different purposes at different times in our lives to keep growing. Perhaps we need to reexamine our purpose or purposes throughout our lives to maximize our lives to the best of our ability.
We need to keep ourselves challenged and evolving throughout our lives and perhaps a single unchanging purpose is not sufficient to accomplish that.
Your thoughts?

Gateways

2009-01-31T16:35:00.006-05:00

We can tend to believe that the choices we make could be temporarily made and undone by making another choice later on. Another perspective could change how we think about choice. Borrowing from the magical realm of fantasy we could call choices more appropriately as gateways that magically appear to us whenever necessary.
This would occur whenever we stop to ask ourselves a question:
Is there a better way?
Do we like the results we see in our life?
Why are others treating us this way?
Do we want to accept that offer, relationship, deal, etc.?
In short anything that makes question what we are doing.

Gateways seems more appropriate as once we have passed through the gateway of our choice then life can never return to what it was. Gateways could lead to paths that are harmful to us or good for us or appear to make no difference but in all cases it is a change in direction in our lives and should not be made blindly, in fits of anger, to punish others or ourselves.

We have the freedom to step through the gateway of our choice and by calling it a gateway rather than choice recognizes the importance of taking the right actions in our lives.

Your thoughts?

Life Perspective

2009-01-25T13:06:00.005-05:00

For a number of people winning at life appears to be an ever increasing list of things to have or to be accomplished. They are never satisfied with what they have and therefore are always living in the future. Others seem to live with the chains of the past. Every failure to achieve something adds yet another chain preventing them from taking chances at all and therefore end up doing nothing.
In both cases the present escapes them and they are never happy with any aspect of their life. Why do we make it so hard to just enjoy our lives?
Is there a better perspective?
Instead of making life a perpetual contest we could perhaps change our perspective by asking instead what is the legacy that we will leave behind us when we die. If we have made a positive difference in even just other person then we have won. Our life has meaning. If we were to use the analogy that life is like a poker game then each moment is like having a fresh hand dealt. What has gone on before has no bearing on the current hand dealt other than the experience of getting to know the other players. It is the accumulation of well played hands that produce a winner not dissimilar to life.
The change from winning to legacy and the focus on how we play the current hand dealt by circumstances and our interactions with others could lead us to living a more fulfilling life.
Your thoughts?

Fantasy or Dream

2008-08-03T17:23:00.003-05:00

There is a very subtle trap that we can easily fall into if we are not careful. When asked want we want or dream about we talk about our fantasies or our wish list. How do we know it is our fantasy? There is no specific plan to achieve it. It is like winning the lottery where we wish to win but wait for it to fall into our lap with no effort or sacrifice on our part and therefore little emotional commitment.
A dream is something we want to achieve and we feel intensely about it with a huge emotional commitment. We visit our dream each day and look for all opportunities to move toward our dream.
So if we are not making progress of any type (other than buying a lottery ticket) then we have a fantasy or wish list and recognize that.
Your thoughts?

Cause or Effect

2008-07-25T17:38:00.003-05:00

We often see people spinning their wheels when tackling changes they want in their life. Are they weak willed, have no stamina to persevere, or can't bite the bullet and get on with it? I don't think that is the primary reason for not making the change. The main reason is that people confuse cause and effect and usually spend a lot of time dealing with effects.
We need to get more practice in designing our life rather just accepting it. We need better questions to ask ourselves to get at the cause and create effective change. Questions like:

What are the values that are controlling me?
How do I know when my values are being met?
What are my rules foe winning and losing?

What questions would you add to this incomplete list?

Defining Struggles

2008-07-23T17:21:00.002-05:00

We are all familiar with the idea that struggles make us stronger and the more diverse those struggles are the more flexible we can be in managing change. This is the outer struggle that we all have with unforeseen circumstances, misjudgment, lack of proper planning, or caused by others. But I believe that there is an far more important struggle that has a greater responsibility for defining who we are.
I refer here to our inner struggles that no one sees but ourselves.
When someone takes advantage of us do we find some way to retaliate? When someone attacks us personally do we leap into the fight? You get the idea.
We could be very sneaky and find a way for payback that no one but ourselves would know about or we could just let it go knowing that sooner or later that individual we reap the rewards for their actions. We could take the stance that we are not responsible to correct everyone else to our standard of behavior and let it go.
This is the inner struggle and more clearly defines who we are than any external struggle.
Your thoughts?

Freedom

2008-07-21T09:31:00.002-05:00

The topic of freedom means many different things depending on who you talk to. However, I believe that we only have one fundamental freedom for everyone. That freedom is to make up our own mind on something.
Too many people have abdicated this freedom in favor of belonging, fitting in, going along, etc..
Making up your own mind does not mean being a dissenter or argumentative but deciding for yourself what is right, good, bad, and so on. Before we can moan about our life we need to make sure that we are exercising our most fundamental right to make up our own mind instead of following public opinion.
Your thoughts?

Seeking Happiness

2008-07-20T15:05:00.002-05:00

We all goals that we are actively seeking such as wealth, relationships, dream job, and so on; but, few seem to be actively pursuing happiness. We seem to adopt an attitude that it is beyond our control and just accept and be thankful if it should come.
We need to take responsibility for our own happiness. How? By studying in minute detail all the events and things that make us feel great and actively taking steps to bring more of them into our lives on a consistent basis. We need to pay attention to what is going on in our lives and use that knowledge to make our lives better in every way.
An interesting challenge for those who believe they have no control over how they feel.
Your thoughts?

Twisting Reality

2008-07-17T20:32:00.003-05:00

We can be very adept at twisting reality without a great deal of purposeful thought. How do we do this? Think back to any occasion when you wanted something so much that it could be called an obsession. It could be an item, a relationship, an event, well you fill in the blank.
What happens is we lose our perspective. Our intense desire makes us look at unfolding reality with rose colored glasses. We ignore anything that would thwart our accomplishing our desire and focus on any detail that would indicate we would achieve it. A very slanted perspective.
We can often come to believe that we have it within our grasp and are shocked when it evaporates before our eyes. It can be very difficult to keep our perspective in the face of great desire when it is also that desire that focuses us and drives us towards our goals.
Again balance is the key and I have to admit that I have fallen into this trap despite my best efforts.
Have you had this happen to you and what do you do to help yourself?
Your thoughts?

Web of Lies

2008-07-15T08:24:00.003-05:00

We all I think have a tendency to want to look good in other peoples eyes. Sometimes this leads to little cover ups or little lies to maintain our image. The trouble is that one lie usually leads to another and before long we can have a web of lies surrounding what was nothing more than an embarrassment.
Perhaps casual or work relationships don't require absolute truth all the time in order to maintain relationships but intimate relationships do. If we have to hide ourselves from our significant others through lies then a time could come when we live the lies and end up destroying the trust of the relationship when found out.
Interesting topic and I would like your comments.

Possessions

2008-07-13T14:32:00.002-05:00

The interesting paradox is that we appear not to be free without possessions and yet once we have have them we are again not free. A place to live, food to eat, and something to do that takes care of those needs are necessities when there is only ourselves and multiply as soon as we have others joining our circle such as family or friends.
This is not a bad thing unless we allow it to take over and we become focused on obtaining possessions for their own sake; then it becomes a rat race that takes us further from ourselves. This trade off is something we all have to face and decide for ourselves rather than just going with the flow and ending up in a place we don't want and don't know how we got there.
Awareness and attention is always necessary to make proper and appropriate choices for ourselves.
Your thoughts?

That is Just Who I Am

2008-07-10T16:14:00.002-05:00

Whenever I hear someone using those words I immediately think that either they really don't want to change or are afraid of failing to make the change so preempts that by that statement. Certainly speaking for myself change does contain elements of uncertainty and a fear of not accomplishing the change I want to make. Everyone wants to look good to others.
Who we are is simply what we have or our upbringing have conditioned us to being. It is learned behavior, our choice of emotional labels, and our perceptions. Change therefore really deals with the need to change our conditioning. When we look at change in this light then we can expect that change could be difficult but there is no element of failure just learning how we have applied our conditioning to maintain our perception of who we are.
Each set back is simply bringing back into our current awareness the perceptions that we need to work on or being our choice; accepting. Our life and the quality of life is our choice. In either case we can no longer use the excuse that is just who I am.
Your thoughts?

Personal Realities

2008-07-09T15:50:00.003-05:00

We really do live in our own unique reality made up of our beliefs, assumptions, emotional content, and mental viewpoint. Because of this we usually take everything that happens in our reality very personally. Every time we get angry, sad, happy, and so on; we are taking things personally.
When we want to make changes it is often our personal reality that becomes our greatest hurdle to making the change we want. Therefore, there can not be a lasting change without altering our personal reality; often, in the form of perception.
For example, if we are constantly upset, angry or sad then we have a gap between our personal reality (perceptions) of what should happen and what actually happens. As reality rarely adjusts to our perceptions then we must adjust our perceptions in order to change our personal reality. Perhaps we are taking things that happen as we live from day to day as being very personal and therefore triggers our emotional response when in fact it was never personal at all.
Our assumptions are our choice and can changed by ourselves and bring a closer match between our expectations and reality and lessening a great deal of our emotional turmoil.
Would be interested in your thoughts on the subject.

Childish People

2008-03-19T15:16:00.002-05:00

The last few posts have been on the subject of anger which most of us have some difficulty in dealing with. This post continues with another viewpoint on anger before leaving this topic for a while.

Have you noticed that some people are almost continuously angry on a day to day basis. Someone or something gets them angry and when we examine their almost tirades about situations that anger them we find that there is a lack of compromise and consideration for others at the bottom of the issue.

It reminds anyone who has been a parent of their children in the preteen years. They are unreasonable whenever they don't get their way, cannot see any other than their own perspective, do petty and viscous actions in retaliation, or go off and pout about the injustice of the world.

Sound familiar? If so then remember that there is no point in getting angry with a child with this nature as it just aggravates the situation. Sometimes imposing penalties or totally ignoring them are the only ways to deal with them.

Dropping down to their level should not be one of your options because then they control you.

Your thoughts?

Technorati tags: anger, childish, response to anger

Response to Anger

2008-03-16T13:20:00.001-05:00

I was asked recently if I ever got angry. Of course I get angry, sad, happy, and all of the emotions that come along with daily living. I just don't dwell in negative emotions as long as I used to.

By that I mean if we take anger as an example I find that life gives my ego a gentle bruising from time to time and I get angry for the moment until I quickly remember a phrase.

The phrase is "anger is punishing ourselves for something another or ourselves do to us". It is not personal it is just theirs or our frustration when life doesn't behave the way we want it to.

It puts things into perspective and I have learnt to laugh at myself and my ego and let it go. No need to retaliate or to create a poor me episode. It's just life in action and a natural part of living and I control the only thing I can and that is my response.

Your thoughts?

Technorati tags: anger, life. reponse

Keep It In Perspective

2008-03-14T16:20:00.001-05:00

We have a tendency to become upset or angry with others who are petulant, mean, rude, argumentative, cruel, and we can certainly make this a very long list from our personal experiences.

We get upset or angry because we feel either they don't respect us or or make unreasonable demands from us according to our personal perspective of the situation.

There is another approach or perspective that can be enjoyed by ourselves when ever we are in these situations. Instead of being upset or angry we can be happy.

We can be happy because it shows us how good our own lives are in that we strive to be accepting and reasonable in our relationships with others whether intimate or casual in nature.

Give a try the next time you feel ourselves getting upset or angry by considering just how unhappy these people are with their lives and the activities and interactions of life.

it is not worth any of our time being upset and angry because of the actions of others. Keep it in perspective.

Your thoughts?

Technorati tags: relationships, attitude, life, perspective. personal growth

Caught Up in Trivia

2008-03-09T16:40:00.002-05:00

We can easily lose sight of what is truly important in our lives. We get focused on obtaining the next toy or worrying about status or bemoaning the lack of respect we are given by others.

So if we ask ourselves the question of whether any of what currently upsets or makes us angry would mean if today was our last day alive; what might we answer.

We have no guarantee that we will be here tomorrow other than our wishful thinking. So perhaps we shouldn't get so wrapped up in the trivia of life rather than the things that give it meaning. What that would be is very individual to each of us and we should honour that commitment to ourselves. After all it is ourselves who give the meaning to our lives.

Live everyday as if it were your last because someday it will be so don't waste it by being caught up in trivia.

Your thoughts?

Technorati tags: life, focus, meaning, priorities

Spectator Sport

2008-03-06T19:32:00.001-05:00

Some people act as if they live in a fishbowl or better yet a stadium. They constantly worry how what they are doing looks to other people. Perhaps they feel life gets scored just like a game and they need to have a perfect game.

They play by the rules that are established or they presume are established by others. They find it hard to change their mind as life throws wrinkles into their plans as it would appear to them to label them a quitter or lacking in something.

It becomes extremely hard to live with constant change while trying to fix the rules and freeze roles for the others involved as life just will not be static. So when we give the rationale for our actions as if we are to be judged by the spectators of our life then we stop having a life.

We are totally responsible for our actions to ourselves. The choices we make are totally ours. The result is ours. Don't give it away to the spectators who do not and will not accept responsibility for our lives.

Life - a spectator sport OR your choices.

Your thoughts?

Technorati tags: responsibility, life choices, spectators

Ambiguity

2008-03-05T11:05:00.001-05:00

The most stressful situation we can find ourselves in is one of indecision. We just know which decision is the right one where the outcome is not certain. We can end up suffering from ambiguity.

We make a decision at 10:00 o'clock and at 10:30 we revisit the decision and decide the other way and so on throughout the day. We just are of committing to one decision or the other.

The problem becomes that no decision is still a decision and we can end up running out of time and we could become overrun by events that take the decision away from us.

Sometimes we simply have to stop looking at consequences and look to what small action we could take that would help us decide. Instead of deciding by guesswork we look for that one piece of information that will help us decide. in this way we get out of the problem box we have put ourselves in.

Your thoughts?

Technorati tags: indecision, choices

Changing Others

2008-03-04T08:57:00.001-05:00

We can find all kinds of books and information on how to influence people and about relationships. Most follow the illusion that we have the ability to change others. Simply not true.

Yes we can stop or modify someone else's behaviour when we have power over them as a boss, parent, or represent an organization that has the power to penalize us such as courts or police.

But that is really an outward appearance of compliance to avoid penalties we don't want applied to us. But think to our own lives and ask whether that actually changed us or not.

The only person that can change us is ourselves. People enter into relationships with the idea that they can change the other person's faults through the power of the relationship and then wonder why it didn't work.

We can save ourselves a lot of anguish and pain if we learn that we have to accept others just as they are. Perhaps through our example they will see other ways of living that may or may not try.

But the bottom line is that only they can decide to change.

Your thoughts?

Technorati tags: relationships, change

Magic At All Ages

2008-03-02T20:29:00.001-05:00

There is something that we generally acknowledge is part of our early childhood. We believe in imaginary things such as Santa Claus, fairies, dragons, warlocks, and invisible friends. We laugh with them and allow them to enjoy them as we are reminded of how magical the world was to us at that age.

Somehow along the way we learn to be realistic, to be practical, to have both feet firmly on the ground and as a result lost something precious to our well being.

We the magic of life in all it's splendour and magic. We lost the full use of our imagination which made everyday events dance and sparkle with a life of it's' own.

We are all intimately involved with the magic of life. We breathe in is that not magic. We taste a strawberry is that not magic. We can go on a hero's quest in our mind is that not magic.

When we fail to see, feel and hear the magic of life are we not living less than fully. Magic is everywhere but only if look for it.

Your thoughts?

Technorati tags: magic of life, living fully, imagination

Control

2008-02-27T16:47:00.001-05:00

If we look closely we would find that there is a relationship between fear of change and being controlling where ever possible in our lives. We tend to be controlling when we try to freeze life into a particular mould and in that way fix our future.

However we can all appreciate that life tends to ignore controls and moulds despite our best efforts. the bottom line is that we could spend our entire life being frustrated by our attempts to control the winds of life. They blow hot or cold, fast or slow, from a gentle breeze to a cyclone regardless of our desires.

like sailors we need to learn how to adapt to the winds and use whatever comes up to push us in the direction we want to go and so eventually arrive at our desired destination. There will be times we are becalmed and times we need to batten down the hatches and seek sheltered moorings while the gale blows.

Sailors work with the winds and accept whatever comes which is a great attitude for sailing through life.

Your thoughts?

Technorati tags: managing change, adapting, flexibility, control

Compromise or Arrangement

2008-02-25T23:09:00.001-05:00

There are people who refuse to compromise in any way on what they want to do, when they want to do it and how they want to do it despite living with others. They consider it a relationship when it is only an arrangement.

The difference lies with one word compromise. A relationship whether casual or deeply intimate requires compromise on everybodys part. Give and take with the best interests of the relationship the determining factor.

If we find ourselves in an arrangement that no longer works we can renegotiate or end it as we choose. A relationship on the other hand has a greater degree of emotional content that can carry a heavy cost to end.

We must recognize whether we have a arrangement rather than a relationship when deciding how much we are going to compromise in order to keep it going. The second point is that we need to make sure that we don't mistake an arrangement for a relationship when placing demands on others.

Your thoughts?

Technorati tags: relationships, arrangements, compomise

Are We Special

2008-02-24T19:20:00.001-05:00

One of the most difficult things to do is to stop thinking that we are special. You know that others should automatically know our wants and needs and should make sure that they don't trespass on our boundaries.

We might say not me but think about it. When someone is loud and interrupts us when we want quiet what do we think. That they have no consideration or respect for us. If others continue to pursue their own objectives instead of ours what do we think.

If we cannot convince others what do we think about them. When we are hurt by the actions of others what do we think. It can be a very long list that is generated by that thought that we are special.

This type of thinking leads easily to us taking everything personally because we think we are special but the bottom line is that we are not any more special than anyone else.

When we change our thinking to considering relationships and how we contribute to those relationships then our whole focus changes along with the results achieved.

Your thoughts?

Technorati tags: perspective. personal growth, results

Lessons and Mistakes

2008-02-21T21:06:00.001-05:00

We spend a lot of time and effort constantly reinventing our future. As changes happen we look for and find ways to use that change to go towards our goal or to avoid potential problems. Everyone does it in one form or another.

There is a way to use this talent for reinvention that potentially could have a greater impact on improving our lives. If we can reinvent our future why not also reinvent out past.

If we were to take everything that we consider to be a mistake or those decisions we regret and reframed them as steps towards our goals would it make difference.

I believe it would. We would no longer have a negative connotation on the lessons we needed to learn so as to arrive at our goal. We would lose the fear of making the same mistakes that can end up holding us back.

We would learn to take change and lessons as a natural part of life rather than learning how to avoid making mistakes which quite frankly is impossible to start with.

Your thoughts?

Technorati tags: lessons, mistakes, life, managing change

Self-help Project

2008-02-20T20:20:00.001-05:00

If we were to look in the self-help section of the bookstore we would find all kinds of formula for accomplishing a desired goal. Life seems to have been successfully reduced to a series of precise steps which will bring about a specific result.

Many of us at one time or another may have tried to follow these self-help steps. Sometimes they lead us towards our goal and sometimes they lead us astray. We might say that some formula work only for the author which is why they wrote it in the first place. It worked for them.

The problem is that no one else is like them and therefore get varying results for their efforts. There are no magical formulas as life is entirely a self-help project and we are all unique. There are no miracle cures to be passively accepted and followed.

We simply get results from our actions and interactions with others and if we want something different then do something different and observe the result to determine our next action.

Your thoughts?

Technorati tags: managing change, life. self-help

Endings

2008-02-19T19:02:00.001-05:00

For some the ending of something is an occasion for sadness and regret instead of recognizing that it is a natural part of life. After all life is a process not something to be gotten over with.

With a small shift in perception a lot of unnecessary sadness could be eliminated from our lives. Change is a part of life and it usually starts when something ends rather than when something begins.

It is the ending that provides the opportunity for us to change something in our life to give us a different present or future outcome. In a lot of situations something has to be over before something new can begin.

Your thoughts?

Technorati tags: endings, beginnings, change

Life and Rules

2008-02-18T21:13:00.001-05:00

People often seek to have a set of rules for life for obvious reasons. If we can have a set of rules then we can predict our future instead of coping with the uncertainty of results for our actions.

People can often create rules which when viewed by others make absolutely no sense but which they cling to despite evidence to the contrary. They develop a blind spot in their thinking and observations of the world around them.

Rules imply control and a comfort zone for people that they need but at the same time it ignores the interaction between people that changes events or events which are generated by others.

We don't like uncertainty.

Perhaps we need to recognize that life is not about control and rules but about choices in each and every moment. The quality of our life is determined by our choices.

Your thoughts?

Technorati tags: choices, rules for life, uncertainty

In Control

2008-02-17T17:18:00.001-05:00

There is a lesson that takes some of us a long time to learn if ever. We can go through stages where we try to ignore people who can make us angry in an attempt to maintain our own balance in life but always somehow they get under our skin.

We can try to focus on letting others be what they are without judgement but somehow we still end up judging them by our standards. There is that little voice in our head that whispers to us no matter what we try to do.

We can try to blank out our response to whatever we feel is a lack of respect for ourselves by others but then judgement still seeps in to our thoughts.

Perhaps the trick is not to try and ignore or change others but to ensure that their actions do not change us from what we desire ourselves to be. Then we are in control of our life rather than others.

Your thoughts?

Technorati tags: control, life. managing change

New Provider

2008-02-11T18:27:00.001-05:00

I will be down for this week as I am finding and setting up a new provider. Will be back next week hopefully on a daily basis once more.

It's Not Personal

2008-02-07T17:27:00.001-05:00

We had a major storm hit Toronto yesterday with road closures, traffic and transportation delays as can be expected under the circumstances. What was interesting is watching and hearing the various reactions in this situation.

Some people took it in stride and patiently waited for bus while others fretted and fumed as if the weather did not exist as a problem but the bus drivers. I heard one person complain to the driver as he got on the bus that they were 7 minutes late and 35 minutes later say to driver "I guess slow is better than never" in a sarcastic tone.

The person has sat there for 35 minutes angry about the bus being late. What they didn't realize is that the bus was not 7 minutes late but 1 hour and 7 minutes late. They didn't realize how fortunate they were that a bus even arrived.

But this can be how some people go through life. Everything is personal and they get upset about it. What a waste of time and makes you wonder if they ever have any good times.

Most things just happen through a combination of circumstances and is really not personal at all. If we can eliminate this kind of useless worry and aggravation then we could our lives more fully and more often.

Your thoughts?

Technorati tags: managing change, life, outlook

Seduction

2008-02-04T11:33:00.001-05:00

Some of us can want something so badly that we seduce ourselves into believing that we can easily obtain it with little effort. We simply don't see the pitfalls or the preparation necessary to accomplish our goal.

Then we wonder why we fail time after time or get blindsided by the unexpected. We have a warped perception of the task ahead of us and ill prepared to accomplish it.

We need to learn pessimism is not always a negative viewpoint but a necessary check and balance needed to formulate a plan of action. Anticipation of events and situations that could derail our plan allows us to see early enough to respond by modifying our actions in time to minimize or circumvent the problem.

Flexibility can only happens if we are prepared to modify how we are accomplishing the task while maintaining the goal. Progress is always incremental and may require detours to arrive at our final destination.

Optimism provides the fuel to get started while pessimism keeps us prepared to respond to events.

Your thoughts?

Technorati tags: pessimism, optimism, managing change

Flexibility

2008-01-30T19:14:00.001-05:00

A lot of people are in a perpetual planning mode. They always have something on the go. It almost becomes a comedy skit as they bounce from one plan to the next without persevering any plan to completion.

It is almost like they are afraid that if they truly pursue a plan they will fail to accomplish it and so dodge the bullet by shifting to a new plan. Plans are really a guide of intent rather than a series of concrete steps leading to the goal as we are never sure of what we will find as a result of our actions until we have done it.

Every step usually has unintended consequences which requires that we adjust within our guidelines and choose our next action based on those results. That is why plans are guides rather than step by step instructions.

When we learn to be flexible on the how we accomplish what we want the more likely we will achieve the goal but in a very different series of steps that we could have imagined when we started.

We need to be as flexible as children are to what is actually going on in our lives.

Your thoughts?

Technorati tags: flexibility, managing change, plans

Mental Bubbles

2008-01-29T19:45:00.001-05:00

When we think about it we cannot even possess ourselves as each moment changes us. Our mind, body, spirit, and emotions are ever changing from moment to moment. Nothing stays still.

If we cannot possess ourselves then we really cannot posses anything. We coexist with an ever changing environment, with other people and life forms that are constantly changing. What can we say is fixed and unchanging.

Yet some of us want the world to be unchanging and ignore what is happening around them when it is inconsistent with their mental world. They live in a mental bubble.

The worlds of our mind is our reality but we need to understand that only we live in that world and no one else can see it the way we do. Understanding and acceptance comes from realizing this fact and accepting others as they are; in their own dream world.

Communication is the key to having others understand us and we to understand them. Sometimes we have to realize that we need to give them an understanding of where we are coming from for acceptance of our ideas. Also that we need to ask them when we don't understand them rather than dismissing them out of hand.

Your thoughts?

Technorati tags: mental bubbles, communication, managing change

Doing Vs Wishing

2008-01-28T19:18:00.001-05:00

We seem to always want more to be able to get out of life what we desire. Some of us want to be smarter, some richer, some want to be more decisive, more forceful, and so on. Almost everyone seems to have a shopping list of necessities before things can happen.

There are some things that we may or cannot ever have. Does that mean that we give up on our dreams as some do or exist in some kind of fairyland tale that we will somehow magically get those attributes we want so much.

No. It means we start from where we are with what we got and instead aim to do the best that we can with what we got. Sure we can and will learn things and gain new skills as long as we are willing to pay the price of time.

If we utilize what we have to the best of our ability we will do better than 95% of the people do in their lifetimes. It is all up to us and how we approach life with what we got.

We can wish or we can do. The choice is ours.

Your thoughts?

Technorati tags: Wishing, taking ownership, doing

Young in Spirit

2008-01-24T09:40:00.001-05:00

We can find ourselves at times becoming tired of our circumstances of life and becoming embittered or disillusioned about our possibilities for change.

Yes we can become old physically and mentally as we see our opportunities appear to vanish along with our youth. Optimism becomes more difficult to maintain under the constant struggle we appear to be in by just living.

What we need to remember is that we may grow old in many ways but our spirit inside is still young and everlasting. Keeping in touch with our spirit is a source of constant renewal available to us at all times no matter the circumstances of our life.

It is in our darkest moments that we need to use the force of spirit to create change and renewal in ourselves.

Your thoughts?

Technorati tags: spirit, renewal, managing change

Be Prepared

2008-01-23T11:11:00.001-05:00

We often hear or read about life lessons. For some it means all of our trials and tribulations are part of what we agreed to come back and learn. For others it means learn so that they can do it to others before it is done to them and others treat life like a book to read about but not really think about. And so on.

A lesson requires a receptive mind to learn anything from it. If we learn just to be able to parrot it we will soon forget about it after the need is over. Just look at your schooling after exams are finished.

But lessons require one additional key ingredient that is often ignored. One is taught according to their fitness to learn. If we don't bring this requirement to the table we ignore the preliminary lessons and preparation often necessary for success. Be prepared and receptive for learning new things opens up new lessons to be learnt. They are there everyday of our lives.

Attitude can indeed be a critical component.

Your thoughts?

Technorati tags: lessons, life. managing change

Mistakes We Have Made

2008-01-21T19:40:00.001-05:00

It is very easy for us to focus on our past mistakes with an eye to preventing them in the future. This can be very counterproductive to attempting new things through worrying about repeating our mistakes.

Life is a never ending series of experiments. We cannot guarantee the future we believe will happen because we cannot control everything necessary for making it come true. Therefore we experiment using what we hope will happen.

In this light we should stop calling things that do not turn out the way we predicted mistakes. instead we should consider that everything up to now has been training. We are allowed to have imperfect results in training and so it mirrors life.

Your thoughts?

Technorati tags: mistakes, training, life

Life is a Mystery

2008-01-20T19:54:00.001-05:00

Some people are always trying to figure out what life is all about. They can adopt beliefs which can be reasonably believed to far out outlandish concoctions that are believed only by themselves or perhaps includes a few friends.

The problem is that once they have it figured out they stop asking anymore and carve it in granite for all time. This is when they can ignore contradictions to their answer and fit it under the umbrella their belief creates.

Anyone who just has to have an answer ends up with some sort of general belief broad enough to allow them to say "you just have to believe". End of story.

What if life is just a mystery to be unveiled as circumstances arise that ask new questions for us to ponder and answer in a process of discovery. There is no finite answer as life is constantly changing and evolving.

Perhaps life will always be a mystery for us to just enjoy and appreciate as we live it.

your thoughts?

Technorati tags: life, answers, beliefs

Key Step for Change

2008-01-17T22:43:00.001-05:00

We can sometimes embark on making a major change without proper preparation. This refers to a habit we have had a long time and now wish to change. We have our habits for a reason.

Sometimes the reason is buried in the past and we don't remember how it started. It is not really important to understand why it started but to understand why we keep it. It meets a need no matter how deep or superficial a need it is.

If we want to change something then we should first understand why it exists. Then we can decide to eliminate or replace that habit with one we want.

Your thoughts?

Technorati tags: habits, managing change

Doing the Right Thing

2008-01-16T20:01:00.001-05:00

What is doing the right thing? Is it our public persona or showing up for the right events or donating to the right cause? There are some people who want to be seen doing 'the right thing'.

They miss the point. You don't do the right thing because other people thank you or think you are a fine person but simply because it is the right thing to do. Period!

It is who we are all of the time and especially when no one is looking and therefore would not notice if we don't do the right thing. It is a way of life that gives meaning to our lives through our daily practice an enriches us.

So some people don't need to just look good but to also live a good life by example without seeking only those things that bring recognition from others.

Remember that we choose how we live regardless of our circumstances.

Your thoughts?

Technorati tags: right thing. good living, choices

Background People

2008-01-15T17:15:00.001-05:00

It is amazing when you stop to listen to and watch how some people treat others whom they consider to be background people. You know; the waitress, the cashier at the supermarket, the bus driver, and so on. Some people treat them as if they are subhuman.

Everyone deserves the same respect as we expect for ourselves. They have dreams and in a lot of cases their circumstances simply make it difficult for them to realize those dreams.

When we treat people differently than ourselves and our friends that is discrimination or poor self-esteem. Some might say that is a pretty strong statement and unfair but is it.

Your thoughts?

Technorati tags: respect for others, esteem

Change your Mind

2008-01-13T19:17:00.001-05:00

We can get hung up on making changes for a number of reasons. Perhaps we are afraid of failure or we are not certain that it is what we want and so we hesitate because we don't want to make a mistake. We all can have individual concerns that make a change somewhat like climbing Mount Everest.

This kind of approach makes change an obstacle rather than a natural part of life. We make changes all the time adjusting to what is going on in our environment and often without even thinking about it. We just do it and then in the next moment just do something else.

Change can be as simple as changing our mind on what we want to do in a situation and then if we don't like the results to keep on changing until we are satisfied with the results. No big deal as long as we give ourselves permission to change our minds any time we like as long as we accept the consequences of our decisions.

Worrying about change does absolutely nothing except give us heartburn. We definitely have to think about the results the change will bring to our personal environment and if we can live with that then just do it.

Change your mind change your life.

Your thoughts?

Technorati tags: change, life, worry

Absolute Answers

2008-01-03T20:48:00.001-05:00

We have a tendency to stop at the first answer to our questions and never revisit the question again. For some things that is valid but more often we are just being lazy.

Perhaps we need to think that our answers to our questions are just placeholders until we find or are shown a better answer. This attitude leaves us open to hearing different viewpoints and answers.

Few things are absolute; such as we all breathe, feel, and die that we need to allow differing opinions than our own. After all we are still discovering new things daily.

Your thoughts?

Technorati tags: answers, questions

Stuck in a Box

2008-01-02T17:35:00.001-05:00

We can find ourselves stuck in box with no apparent way out which is caused by our thinking. If we think something is not possible for us then we are in the box and all we do is keep bouncing off the walls of our limitations which are self-imposed.

By changing our thinking from not possible to it is possible but we just don't know yet how it will happen so we will change how we question and what we question. This creates possibilities that will lead to new decisions and actions and before we know it we are no longer in the box.

Another way of putting this is that what we believe is our reality and we always work within our reality. Change our mind and we change our reality.

Your thoughts?

Technorati tags: reality, managing change, possibilities

Happy New Year

2007-12-31T18:09:00.001-05:00

My wishes for everyone to have a great year in 2008.

I Am

2007-12-27T19:41:00.001-05:00

We can worry in some way about what other people think about us. For some of us it can be a constant source of anxiety and for some of us we can have an image of ourselves that we simply believe that others will have of us. But it really doesn't matter what we worry about or think that others think about us because we will be wrong in most cases.

Simply whatever you think I am or want me to be I am whether true or not.

Why waste a lot of time and effort trying to make others see us the way we want them to when it is not our choice. If we do what is right in situations then we will feel good about ourselves and then it will not matter what others think.

Your thoughts?

Technorati tags: self-image, self-worth

Merry Xmas

2007-12-24T18:47:00.001-05:00

A wish for everyone to have a merry Christmas.

Affairs of the Heart

2007-12-22T15:51:00.001-05:00

We all know that death comes to visit us sooner or later. We try not to think about it except when talking to an insurance salesperson as if it will push death into the later category. That is why death usually takes us by surprise and we are not ready for it.

Death needs to be simply accepted as much as we accept life. One does not exist without the other. Unfortunately many people don't prepare for their own death and put off things which need to be taken care of before it arrives.

By this I mean affairs of the heart. Those issues that deal with ourselves or involving others that need to be resolved or healed before death makes it impossible.

It is death that brings into focus our present moments where we can savour and enjoy what makes life such a gift provided that we are awake to it.

We should always strive to take care of the affairs of heart now rather than later as later may not come.

Your thoughts?

Technorati tags: death, life

Keeping Track

2007-12-21T20:59:00.001-05:00

We just get so busy attending to the details of life that we can forget to ask ourselves if we are enjoying life and does life have meaning for us.

There are two questions I ask myself daily that remind me to check and not get buried in the details. A way of keeping track. They are:

Have I found any joy today?

Have I given joy to anyone today?

Do you have a question or questions that you use to keep your centred on the important things of life?

Technorati tags: keeping meaning in our lives

Fitting In

2007-12-20T21:39:00.001-05:00

We all worry to some degree about fitting in or perhaps we might want to call it being accepted. To some being accepted is everything and to others it calls for rebellion which is just another way of fitting in.

In either case we can worry so much about it that we lose sight of ourselves and our own needs. Fitting in requires a compromise between being ourselves and adapting to the group persona we have chosen to belong to. This dynamic push and pull could hide from ourselves what we feel is important for our own lives as we are so busy meeting the group expectations.

We need to find, accept, and be ourselves, forming a nucleus around which we will attract like minded individuals. We allow people to be themselves and put away the requirement that they conform to our expectations.

Definitely not an easy task but very rewarding in the end to all involved.

Is this possible or is it just idle thinking?

Your thoughts?

Technorati tags: comformity, expectations, self-expression

Change

2007-12-19T21:43:00.001-05:00

There are many people who point fingers at others and say they need to change for many and varied reasons. We can easily see when and how others need to change in order to make a better life for themselves.

From romance to wealth we are often experts on the need to change. That's right the need but necessarily the how to change. We should resist telling people what they should do and start showing by our example how to accomplish what they need to do. Who knows; one example, could open up someone's eyes to the possibility that they too can change their lives for the better.

Do you agree that example is far more powerful than a book of words to bring about change?

Your thoughts?

Technorati tags: change, example

Resentment

2007-12-18T20:32:00.001-05:00

One of the key obstacles to finding and appreciating joy in our lives is resentment. Resentment, bitterness and holding a grudge all interfere with us seeing and appreciating the joy that is always there in our lives.

When we are resentful we wander around in fog where we only see, hear, feel, and taste the object or objects of our resentment. We have tunnel vision and the whole universe is in on the act. We fail to see that the sun is shinning, that there is a gentle refreshing breeze blowing, that people are smiling at us and wish to share their joy.

Everything becomes tinted with the colour of our resentment. Life sucks, life is cruel, life is unfair and inconsiderate. Make a habit of resentment and depression and anger become prevalent in our lives.

The cure can be simple if we choose to allow it and that is to enjoy what is always there if we simply look for it and appreciate it. Nothing magical just part of being human and having choice.

Choose wisely.

Your thoughts?

Technorati tags: joy, resentment, obstacles

A Question

2007-12-17T17:30:00.001-05:00

We have a tendency to give too much weight to fear in our lives. We are afraid of making the wrong choices. We all have a host of fears about what might happen to us and others important to us. We fear many different future possibilities.

We fear for our health, our wealth, our hopes, and of death before we have completed anything significant in our lives. We worry and fret in the present moment about things that may or may not occur and predict dire consequences in minute changes we imagine will impact us.

Sounds like we are contemplating the end of the world as we know it from our and other's conversations. It is easy to do this when we don't think we deserve good things to happen for us. We almost believe we will hex ourselves if we predict good things occurring for or happening to us. We certainly don't want to be put in the position of someone else telling us that we are not realistic so we keep the good thoughts hidden from others and sometimes ourselves.

So I have one question for all of us to answer.

Why be afraid of tomorrow when today is all we have?

Your thoughts?

Technorati tags: fear, future, possibilities

Outside the Box

2007-12-12T16:48:00.001-05:00

Most of us are problem oriented as we have been taught by the educational system. The problem with this in coming up with solutions is the process itself. We end up defining a box within which the problem exists. That is the nature of describing known results and their causes.

When we have finished with this analysis we are usually no further ahead in solving it as we can get locked within our problem box and thereby restrict our perspective.

To think outside of the problem box is very simple. First ignore trying to define the problem and instead focus on what the solution would look, sound, and feel like. Then we can look to how we bring about what is now a clear objective.

Working backwards from the solution is thinking outside the box as there are no restrictions being used in defining the solution as there are when we define the problem.

Simplistic?

Your thoughts?

Technorati tags: solutions, problem solving

Self-Abuse

2007-12-06T18:33:00.000-05:00

Have you ever found yourself saying things like that was dumb or that was stupid or what
an idiot I was. Well you are not alone in doing this. We believe that in order to prevent
results that we don't want that we should clearly identify our goofs and make sure that
we own up to our responsibility for causing them.
Hogwash!
The only reason we now label our actions that way is because we have a
new perspective given to us by our results.
With our new perspective we will not take the same actions again
but will choose different ones and get different results.
Who knows perhaps we will like those results better.
As we are never able to have the identical situations arising again perhaps we should stop giving
ourselves negative reinforcement and instead learn to laugh at ourselves.
Humor always gives a new perspective and we will always make better decisions when we are in a good mood.
Life is full of lessons and we need to learn them in a beneficial way that increases our possibilities for choices rather reducing them.
Your thoughts?

Perspective

2007-12-01T14:21:00.000-05:00

It is amazing the number of people who presume that they would have lived your life better than you have. That given the same circumstances you have encountered they would have done better and don't hesitate to tell you so.
That is arrogance speaking when we do that about someone else's life. The first assumption we make is that we understand fully what they have gone through. The second assumption is that while in the midst of change we would have seen clearer the results of the decisions being made and therefore would have made better ones. The third assumption is that we would not have made the bad choices.
Anyone can stand back after the fact including ourselves and say that was dumb but that was not obvious when we made the best choice we could at the time. Really the only thing we can really talk about is what lessons did we learn from life.
It is all about perspective.
Your thoughts?

Changes

2007-11-23T09:26:00.000-05:00

As I have written about many times that change comes to us whether we want it or not and we need to flow with it. In my case my disability payments are running out and I cannot return to my previous work so I will need to adjust. I need to at this time find new work, a new place to live, and probably a home for my cat Cleo.
I want to take this opportunity to thank all of my readers and the friends that I have made through this blog for their participation in making writing this blog so enjoyable for me. I know that I have your best wishes and I have fond memories of our conversations.
I will return to writing if I have the opportunity and I wish you all the best for the future.

One Breath

2007-11-19T21:01:00.001-05:00

We are but one breath from death and so should seize life in both hands and live fully in the only moment we have for certain; right now.

How easy it is to get fixated on what are really inconveniences and so structure our lives around our problems. What a box to live in. Our walls are defined by our problems, our ceiling by our lack of perspective, and our floor by our depths of despair.

We can't escape our box unless we realize that our future is always a field of possibilities not certainties and is limited only by us. It is our courage and our hopes that are the driving force for change when we seize on what is possible rather than what we restrict our choices to.

Remember we are only one breath away so choose with courage.

Your thoughts?

Technorati tags: life, death, choice, hope

Choices Define Us

2007-11-15T21:00:00.001-05:00

Definitely one of the focus points on this blog has been about choice. The reason the emphasis is placed on choice is because our choices define us.

Can you think of any result in our lives where our choices were not part of the factors that created that result?

Your thoughts?

Technorati tags: choice, life, results

Approval Junkies

2007-11-14T20:41:00.001-05:00

We all like to receive approval from others. We start with our parents as we grow up and then include friends, teachers, bosses, social groups, extended families and so on.

We can get so involved in the continual seeking of approval that we extend it from relationships to our choices. Choices such as food, clothing, entertainment, possessions, attitudes, philosophies, and the like.

Where does it stop?

For some people never. They can live their entire lives in the shadow of other people's approval without ever stopping and determining for themselves what is important and how do they want to conduct their lives. Is it any wonder that business thrives on our being approval junkies.

If we live our lives this way we can reach the point where we become afraid of thinking for ourselves. Why someone else may not like it and so we never speak out or create because we have lost our ability to do so. We don't know who we are anymore unless we check the opinion poll.

Your thoughts?

Technorati tags: purpose, life, vision

Followers

2007-11-13T20:20:00.001-05:00

It is amazing to talk or read people who consider themselves to be independent thinkers to find that they are really parrots. Yes parrots. They simply repeat popular sayings, thoughts, and philosophies simply because they are the current trend.

When you discuss almost any key topic with them they flounder when challenged on why they think the way they do. They have no depth of thought, no personalization of the topic, and they produce arguments which are not thought out or do not support their contention.

In short they really don't think they just parrot what they read in the paper, watch on TV, or find on the Internet. They are not independent thinkers because they don't think about the topics they just digest what they are fed.

Thinking is a skill that needs to be practiced to become good at it. People who have thinking skills do not usually think that their viewpoint is necessarily the "truth" but an ongoing exploration open to question and revision. They are prepared to listen and discuss.

In boils down to the fact that the second you don't think then you follow. Something to think about.

Your thoughts?

Technorati tags: thinking skills, followers

Choices Choices

2007-11-12T21:23:00.001-05:00

We often think that when we make choices that they apply only in the moment and we can when we find out that we don't like the old choice then we can just make a new one. True but a very narrow perspective on the implications of making choices.

Each choice we make is of course the best one we can see at the time of making it which means that we will end up living with that choice until such time as we see that the results are not to our expectations.

There is no such thing as no impact from making a choice. A choice is a commitment to action on our part even if only a mental one. There is no going back to the past to start over as if the choice had not been made.

Choice is a powerful tool and we might even say that there is no such thing as trivial choices as each one changes our possibilities for future choices.

Your thoughts?

Circumstances

2007-11-11T21:38:00.001-05:00

We can complain about the circumstances that we find ourselves in but that would only be complaining about life itself. We don't have absolute control over our circumstances as we would know from what happens to us daily.

Even a very cursory examination shows that we can't choose our circumstances however we can delude ourselves into believing we can. Our circumstances are a combination of the results of our choices and what life throws at us without our input. Just try stopping the rain.

We can however choose what to do with our circumstances in our response to them in the choice of our actions. We need to remind ourselves from time to time that we end up living our choices which can expand us or contract us.

Our power lies in the ability to make choices with whatever circumstances we find ourselves in. We are never powerless through circumstances but only through our choices.

Choose wisely.

Your thoughts?

Technorati tags: circumstances, choice, managing change

Accountability

2007-11-08T22:40:00.001-05:00

Some people have a tendency to seek to blame others for the results of the decisions they made. It is how they delude themselves into believing they are not responsible for their actions. They are also fond of holding people accountable for things beyond their control.

This is the ultimate blindness as they have disconnected results from actions and entered a dream world. As long as they remain in that dream state nothing will change.

It takes great courage to examine ourselves and be honest in accepting responsibility for results. When we have done that then we can start to master change instead of being at the whim of change.

Knowing ourselves is our hero's quest and rising above our errors leads to wisdom. With wisdom we finally gain perspective.

Your thoughts?

Technorati tags: accountability, managing change

Peace

2007-11-07T20:12:00.000-05:00

I don't pretend I know what it would take for peace in the world with so many different factions warring over so many different issues. Is peace even possible seems a more revelent question to ask. Regardless of what our concept of peace I think that at the bottom of it is the desire to create a better life for ourselves, our loved ones, and the need to leave them a better world when we have passed on.
The way things are going I just can't see it happening anytime in the near future and that is about the saddest statement I think I could make about the future. But I have hope and I have a desire to see peace for all. That is my starting point. I can't see it or know how it might happen or when but I have hope.
When we lose hope then the dream is really lost beyond
redemption so I cling to that hope for myself and mankind and ask that others
hold that hope alive so that we may create a better future.
The basic starting is our hope that will inspire us to seek ways, compromises, and actions that will eventually turn it into truth.

Blog Blast for Peace

2007-11-06T20:08:00.000-05:00

Mimi from Mimi Writes is holding a blogblast for peace on November 7, 2007. All interested parties should go over and collect or create a peace globe for their post.

Ripples

2007-11-05T20:58:00.001-05:00

We have a tendency to look at our present moment and the actions we take in that moment as a kind of direct cause and effect relationship. Do something and get a result.

Using a different perspective we could say that our action in the present moment is like tossing a pebble into water. The pebble causes ripples to spread out from the point of impact that are even until they encounter an obstacle such as a stick or wall and then the ripple changes not through our action but through interaction.

In life the interaction is caused by other people reacting to our actions who in turn toss their own pebble creating ripples that interact with ours. This then is the effect that is generated from our actions and it is definitely not a direct cause and effect.

We could then say that our present actions cause future possibilities that we could not of foreseen and therefore all our actions and expectations enter the realm of possibilities and not certainty.

In essence the expectations of the results from our actions are really much like throwing dice. Sometimes we win and sometimes we lose and there is rarely any certainty in life.

Your thoughts?

Technorati tags: life, results, gambling, possibilities

Inconvenient

2007-11-04T19:41:00.001-05:00

There are many ways to look at the word inconvenient. First is the conventional view of things that occur in a way that interferes with us reaching our goals or objectives. For some people kids are inconvenient, relationships are inconvenient, or any demand on their time not for their own purpose.

Perhaps there is a second way to use this term as it applies to life. If we were to start by saying that there is really only one true cast iron problem in life; that is death. Given that the only problem that can stop us is death then perhaps every other problem we have is merely inconvenient.

Yes it is inconvenient to be poor, disabled, homeless, uneducated, lacking skills, poor relationship skills, and a myriad of other issues that we may have to contend with just by living. Life is generally not a story book hero's quest that magically leads to the keys of the kingdom. Life is very inconvenient when it comes to our wishes and wants but it is only inconvenient and not a terminal condition.

However we can often treat inconveniences as if they spell an end to our dreams rather than showing us that we need to choose a different path to continue onwards. It is only a temporary setback unless we choose to make it permanent. It is a hurdle we need to jump rather than a wall we often make it.

Yes life is inconvenient but that is no excuse for us to stop striving.

Your thoughts?

Technorati tags: life, vision, managing change

Just Start

2007-11-01T20:00:00.001-05:00

When we have big dreams and big hopes we have a tendency to spend time making sure we have the best possible odds in our favor. Nothing wrong with that desire but it can and does become a form of procrastination.

Every day that goes by usually gives us more problems to solve and more i's to dot and t's to cross. It will be never ending and usually leads to us to abandoning our dream till a better time arises which never comes.

What we need to remember is that even the most important matters have a unique and simple beginning although we usually do not recognize it to long after. Most of us meet our future significant other or start our career by chance not by design. We take advantage of an opportunity that later leads to great rewards by simple taking a action that is simple.

Sometimes we can accomplish more by just starting and then changing as our circumstances change and new opportunities that the results of our actions provide come up for us. Each in itself simple steps but lead us somewhere profound.

Your thoughts?

Technorati tags: start, simplicity, dreams

Possible Futures

2007-10-31T19:34:00.001-05:00

Our vision can become obscured by our doubts of making the future we want. We can sometimes dismiss our vision because we can't see how to accomplish it or worse feel that somehow we don't deserve it.

We say yeah right that's pie in the sky stuff let's get practical and realistic. When we make those kind of statements to ourselves we deny our own potentiality, our own creativity, and our own drive to bring it about.

Any future can be. How can a future be impossible? If it were not possible then it would be the past, fixed and unchangeable. The present is the transformational point through our efforts.

We shouldn't settle for scraps when anything is possible.

Your thoughts?

Technorati tags: future, vision

Finding Out Why

2007-10-30T20:15:00.001-05:00

When we get unexpected results or unintended consequences to our actions we can spend a lot of time and effort in trying to answer the question why. Often there is no real single undeniable why for us to discover there is instead a whole pile of little whys that have ganged up to give us our result.

We presumably do this in order to prevent it from happening again. It never will because we will never have the same set of circumstances, people, events, and opportunities again. That's right never.

The better question to ask is where were we blind either through ignorance or from us ignoring what didn't want to know even when it was staring us in the face. In this way we work on the thing that we can change rather than things beyond our control and that is ourselves.

Wisdom is learning the lessons about ourselves and others and applying them better. So perhaps we needn't look so hard for the why outside of ourselves and make better decisions and better actions until we get it right.

Your thoughts?

Technorati tags: lessons, why, results

The Adventure of Learning

2007-10-29T20:50:00.001-05:00

Learning is a lifelong process. The moment we stop being open to and embracing learning we stagnate and soon become obsolete in today's rapid pace of change.

Some people reach a certain stage and stop. They may be smart people but they are not wise. They assume that they have enough knowledge and expertise to last for their lifetime. A mistake and a very narrow viewpoint of what learning is.

It is not a penalty we pay by getting through school but a gift we can partake of to enrich all aspects of our lives. Learning is about discovering ourselves by exploring our interests. Learning is about expanding our horizons and finding new ways to express all that we can be. Learning is discovering just how fascinating other people are and gives a richness to relationships that is there for us to learn.

Learning never stops and then maybe we can learn to be wise. Who knows what the limits are. Are we up for the adventure of learning?

Your thoughts?

Technorati tags: learning, lessons, change

Not Really a Philosophy

2007-10-28T19:17:00.001-05:00

I was asked what my philosophy on life is because I write so much about different perspectives on issues we all face. I thought about that and determined that I really don't have a philosophy because to me that is a static statement trying to encompass the dynamics of our lives.

I believe that life is constantly changing and for that reason I really can't say I am anything permanent and unchanging. My life seems to go through cycles. Starting with wanting to know what I am and then what am I capable of becoming and then striving to become that.

During this ongoing process of change I reevaluate what I am on a regular basis or after any noticeable change and repeat the cycle. Not really a philosophy at all; more of a recognition that it is almost impossible to state I am something for any longer than the next change that life deals.

I have of course moral and ethical guidelines that limit my choices of action as they should but that is always in light of circumstances and doing the right thing as I determine it to be as I am ultimately the one who owns the consequences.

Your thoughts?

Criticism

2007-10-25T20:20:00.001-05:00

We all read about success stories and how those people overcame all kinds of obstacles to achieve it. Their success is documented and the steps clearly laid out so that we can follow in their footsteps. Will it happen that way? Perhaps! But not likely for most of us.

Each persons success story is unique and comes about through their characteristics, their friends, opportunities, and courage. It doesn't mean that we can't follow them just not exactly in their footsteps.

Even if the path to success becomes clear it doesn't mean we can follow, it depends on our strengths, our resolution, our courage, and our skill in swaying others to do our bidding. Success is primarily based on our ability to convince others to share our vision.

That takes passion. Something that most of us don't exhibit because it scares people. They think of the results of failure first and then possibly taking hesitant steps towards it. That just won't cut it. We need to be unafraid of criticism because it will come out of the woodwork when people are afraid of jumping on our bandwagon.

It is better to be criticized for our passion than to be silent in fear of criticism.

Your thoughts?

Technorati tags: criticism, goals, commitment

Illusion of Safety

2007-10-24T19:39:00.001-05:00

Some people just hate having choices because it makes them responsible for their results and they want to be able to blame everything else other than themselves if it goes wrong. Nobody wants egg on their face.

That's why long term stable positions are sought after and held close when they are obtained. It doesn't matter if it is interesting, challenging, brings out our best, as long as it is stable.

What they fail to realize is that just because they make no choices does not mean that they aren't making a choice. We know everything changes some slowly and some instantly but all things change. When we don't make a conscious choice then we allow everyone else to make that choice for us.

There is no such thing as standing on the sidelines in life as a spectator. If we live we are participants. There is no risk free path for us to take. There is no refuge from life where we can take a time out.

We might say that not making a choice is an illusion. Choices are made either with our participation or without. Life does not give a choice in participating so don't blame life when we are not going in the direction we want to go. Exercise the power of choice or the choice will be made for us.

Your thoughts?

Technorati tags: choice, managing change, life

Blog Drive-Byes Oct 2007

2007-10-23T20:05:00.001-05:00

I would like to share some of my favorite blogs and recommend that you take time to go over and say hello.

Sandee from Comedy Plus always a guaranteed laugh.

Bee from Muffin 53 who is currently updating us on her cruise and has great blonde jokes.

Jaya from Cat On My Head a must read for Cleo and myself.

Meg from Cute Overload always has some of the cutest animal shots.

Jennifer from Goodness Graciousness who explores the best in all of us to find.

Samantha and Tigger from Life from a Cats Perspective which Cleo insists on reading daily. (I think Cleo has a crush on Tigger)

Mimi from Mimi Writes and a reminder to pick up your peace globe and make a post on November 7, 2007. A great lady who has dedicated a large amount of time and effort for peace.

Princess Haiku from Princess Haiku who always presents for me an elegant expression of the beauty she finds in the world.

Random Magus who presents a different perspective that makes me think.

Shine from Shine With Grace who has a great perspective on issues we all face.

Derrick from Sui Generis provides a refreshing perspective for challenging our obstacles.

RT from Untwisted Vortex who has good advice and links for serious bloggers. Check him out and get involved.

Technorati tags: blog drive-Byes

Missing Out on Life

2007-10-22T17:57:00.001-05:00

There is an undeniable comfort in having someone else tell you right from wrong and provide clear cut goals and rules of conduct for you to follow. That is the comfort of being a joiner and the appeal of groups.

Think about it. Whoops as a follower we don't have to think at all just obey and save a lot of time and effort. There are no decisions to be made other than whether it is a rule or not. Life becomes simply black and white with no gray, no exceptions, no tolerance for other viewpoints.

It is us versus them, those outside of the group. There is no compassion for those who break the rules as the penalty is to be tossed out of the group. A terrifying concept for some to consider.

They never reach mountain tops or sink to the depths of despair for there is no struggle to find their own truths and discover their ability to forgive, empathy for another's struggle, compassion, joy in life itself and perseverance in the face of troubles.

They miss out on all that could make a great life.

Your thoughts?

Technorati tags: struggle, life, challenge

Little Fears

2007-10-21T17:06:00.001-05:00

We all understand what fear is when looking at physical harm in any form, losses in any form, rejection or disgust from others, to name a few. There is however a far more subtle aspect of fear that in many ways is far more difficult to understand and deal with.

We have at times made a decision not to tell the truth because we feel that it cannot be coped with by someone else. Nothing earth shattering just a little white lie for their benefit of course. Rather than being honest with compassion and empathy we withhold the truth.

Nothing large, nothing too serious, no harm intended so it's alright. Isn't it? Wrong.

We are making a judgement that is not ours to make. We judge the other person to be incapable of handling the truth; that is our fear for them we say but really it is our own fear of the consequences of telling them the truth. So the next time the situation comes up we are trapped by our own fears and continue to enlarge upon it a little bit at a time and have no way out because our fear that they will not be able the truth is getting truer and truer the more we have erected and strengthened that wall. How can we now tell them the truth as through our fear we have fed the lie into a true barrier to truth.

We cannot and should not assume our judgement of another persons ability to handle truth is true for fear of the consequences of telling it as long as we are compassionate and empathetic in our discussion with them. They may not like what we say but will respect our honesty which leaves open discussion and clarification that may follow.

Little fears are far more dangerous to our character and relationships than the known and common ones we all fear. We should always be on our guard against them.

Your thoughts?

Technorati tags: fear, judgements, truth

Temptation

2007-10-18T17:24:00.001-05:00

Temptation is a funny thing. There are people who claim and rightly so that they are not tempted and so they are pure unlike so many others who fall into temptation. They also do not understand redemption because they have never needed it.

What a load of crap.

They did not fall into temptation simply because they removed themselves from the source of temptation. They did not embrace it and resist they simply avoided it and therefore had no struggle. They have never succumbed to the siren call of their carefully prepared list of temptations.

They have never had to fight their way clear of temptations results with a deep understanding of the difficulty in ignoring that siren call afterwards. They also fail to have any empathy and compassion to those who struggle with or have survived temptation.

They have lost an opportunity for striving from the depth of despair without hope of success but striving never the less and finally winning their own personal struggle. Avoidance is simply no contest, no struggle.

Far better to have failed and to struggle finding the courage to go on no matter how hopeless it appears and winning through. We win a courageous spirit that is forged in the fires of adversity and a compassion for all those who struggle. Lessons of experience.

Your thoughts?

Technorati tags: temptation, struggle, striving

A Chance

2007-10-17T15:40:00.001-05:00

In our lifetime as long or as short as it may be we have had chances to face fear and rise above it, to seek truth to uphold it and defend it, to know ourselves without lies, excuses or self-pity, to bear pain without becoming sour and disillusioned. We have had times to laugh, see the beauty of life, and to be grateful. We could have been kind, generous, and understood what we have in common with others. We have had the opportunity to love and be loved and to give forgiveness.

We have also had time to let life slide by day by day wrapped in our thoughts without action, having learned nothing but fear and sadness, unloved and unloving, unmoved by the pain of others, accepting what life offers us without thought or appreciation.

As we are reading these words we still have one thing left that can change everything in a moment. We have life. Until we die we all have a chance to make our life make a difference to ourselves and others.

What more do you need other than a chance?

Your thoughts?

Technorati tags: life, choice, chance

Never Alone

2007-10-16T19:13:00.001-05:00

There are people that wear their anger like a pair of socks. They put them on first thing in the morning and take them off the last thing at night. The use anger as a power whether they feel that life has cheated them of what they deserve when it has given them exactly what they deserve or that is the only way they believe they can get power.

Most of us do not know how to handle an angry person except to avoid escalating the situation to the point that we become the target. We will do almost anything to avoid that and rightly so when we think of the results of their anger. Physical abuse, death, mental abuse, maiming in extreme cases and intimidation, verbal abuse, and fear in other cases. Who would not want to avoid that?

There can be no true relationship based on fear or irrational anger and the instigator only builds a wall between them and everyone else. There is no success possible through confrontation as it only escalates the situation and the only person that can fix the problem is the person themselves.

Recognizing that we are in that situation is important and realizing that there are people both professional and personal that will help us. We simply need to ask and let people know who can help. We are never alone unless we ourselves make it so.

Your thoughts?

Technorati tags: anger, alone, relationships

Not Worth Our Time

2007-10-15T20:44:00.001-05:00

People who always take without consideration for other people we could label bad. We could condemn them and try to figure out all kinds of ways to get back at them. Then we would become like them. Is that what we want?

When we retaliate in kind by taking from them then how are we different. If they break laws then yes they should be punished legally and not in a vigilante style because that makes us no different than them.

Takers tend to have a miserable life as they assume that everyone else is the same. No one can be trusted or be allowed to get too close. They are lonely miserable people and will find a time when someone will do the same to them.

Good people can survive hardships better than bad people because of their optimistic attitude and the relationships they create and nurture. It is not worth our time to take care of all the bad people we will meet in life. They will ensure their own downfall or at best realize what an empty life they have in their old age.

Your thoughts?

Technorati tags: bad people, perspective

What is Truth

2007-10-14T19:32:00.001-05:00

We have seemed to have lost the ability to take personal responsibility for critical thinking. We allow the experts to report on events and draw conclusions which may be inaccurate, misleading, slanted for sensationalism, or out of context but still accepted because they are "experts".

When did we stop doing our own critical thinking? When did we give up our own personal power of thinking for the opinion of some so called expert. Why do we not challenge anymore outlandish claims?

We have become in a lot of ways entertainment junkies which includes the news. We have become desensitized to individual pain and suffering as we listen to nightly statistics of murder, violence, famine, genocide, and other atrocities. We only want to see and hear the sensational. We only want to see and hear the experts to tell us what we think about things.

We have taken authority as truth rather than truth as authority. We have become the mass and so strive to blend in rather than be individualistic as it is too much effort. We have given up our basic rights and given it over to others to do with them as they please.

Should we worry about our future?

Your thoughts?

Technorati tags: truth, experts, rights

Redefining Success

2007-10-11T20:01:00.001-05:00

We struggle with success and what it means to each of us and can find it difficult to put into words. You know what I mean seems to be a common ending to our discussions on the subject. We can talk about feelings, goals, accomplishments, and so on and come no closer to what we mean by success.

It is different for everyone when we get right down to it and it can cause us a lot of grief, heartache, sleepless nights, you know the symptoms as well as I do.

Perhaps we are approaching this the wrong way. What if we reversed the questions we asked of ourselves and others. What if we talked about failure and what that is to each of us. Would we get a better answer to consider.

If we were to say that failure is not trying and that no person is a failure who has friends could we get rid of the burden of finding success and perhaps get on with enjoying our life in the midst of constant change.

Your thoughts?

Technorati tags: success, life, managing change

Defy the Obvious

2007-10-10T20:45:00.001-05:00

Why do some people seem to defy the obvious? We can see that their situation is hopeless and yet they act as if it is not a fact for them. Are they blind, stupid or mad? They are certainly not rational.

Some people are happy in situations that make most of us shudder at the thought of it happening to us. Terminal illness, disability, low income, war, disease, starvation, and the like. We can't see how it is possible.

Some admittedly in those situations give up and shut down while others struggle on day by day. What makes the difference? What makes some people carry on defying the obvious?

They defy the obvious not because they are certain of eventual success but rather because trying gives them hope and without hope life is just a living death.

Your thoughts?

Technorati tags: hope, striving, life

Time Travel

2007-10-09T18:46:00.001-05:00

If you could go back in time what would you change that would have meaning for you. Would it be an opportunity that you missed or a relationship that you would have pursued. We can imagine a lot of situations that if only we had done something different then our life would be so much better today.

Time travel is a fantasy that a lot of people indulge in from time to time. Interesting but an absolute time waster. When ever we indulge in this fantasy we are living in the past with what if scenarios rather than dealing with what we have right in front of us.

If we are living in the past or future then we miss seeing the opportunities existing right in front of us that we can take action on right now. It is our actions in the present moment that creates our life regardless of circumstances.

Where else can our actions affect our future other than right now.

Your thoughts?

Technorati tags: taking action, creating our future

Risk

2007-10-05T20:32:00.001-05:00

It is easy to take risks when there is little a stake. We can remember starting out in our first career move or business venture. The downside of our attempt was really minimal. In most cases we were young and felt we had lots of time should it not work out. We had no kids or marriage to worry about and not a lot of money at risk.

Sometimes we were fortunate and our risks paid off and we embarked on other challenges which were also successful. Others were not successful. In both cases we could end up stopping the taking risks.

What happened?

The more successful we are the greater our potential loss and so we could end up looking for the sure thing. The more failures we had would result in the same dilemma that is looking for the sure thing.

We need to realize that there is no such thing as risk free. It doesn't exist. We need to know what our risk threshold is and accept that. Not everyone is cut out to take high risk and there is nothing wrong with that.

Knowing our risk threshold allows us to make better goals that we will strive for rather than waiting for the perfect score which will never arrive and would guarantee our having an unhappy life.

Your thoughts?

Technorati tags: goals, perspective

Everything Passes

2007-10-04T18:51:00.001-05:00

We seek to control our circumstances as much as possible to guarantee the future we most desire. The results of our actions to have control prove over and over again that we cannot succeed in this task. The reason is both simple and profound.

Everything passes.

Nothing ever remains the same. Oh we can have the illusion that this is not true but that is only our own desire for those things we want deluding us. If we cannot really control anything then what is there left to give us hope.

Remember that the goal does not define the how to achieve it but only to be able to recognize opportunities that arise for working towards it.

The only thing we can control is ourselves.

How we act, how we think about things, what emotions we allow to rule us and how we express them. What beliefs do we wish to follow and express in our actions? What kinds of relationships do we want and how we treat others? All these things are within our power to change through our choice of actions.

When we understand what we do and do not control then perhaps we can have a clearer vision of what is important to uphold and what we should let go of.

Your thoughts?

Technorati tags: control, personal growth, goals

Uncertainty

2007-10-03T21:33:00.001-05:00

We like predictable things, events and especially people. We hate being blindsided by anything because then we give our raw reaction which in a lot of cases is contrary to the image we have presented to the world and to ourselves.

The problem is that it is an image we want to present which is a construct of our imagination. It is built on what we believe that we need to obtain our desires and goals. A false premise.

Integrity and character will shine through all of our actions if what we are constructing is of benefit to the people we are acting with rather than using people. Then there is never uncertainty in our actions and relationships. Everyone benefits.

Trying to make things predictable is impossible when it comes to events and people and we could save a lot of frustration and false starts by maintaining a good perspective. Then we can share a laugh with others when things fall through the cracks.

Your thoughts?

Technorati tags: uncertainty, relationships, purpose

Restlessness

2007-10-02T20:21:00.001-05:00

One of my readers Cissie asked if I would write about restlessness. I like to think of restlessness as a type of longing not to be confused with happiness or unhappiness. I believe that restlessness comes from the heart and is a feeling that there is more that we can discover than what we currently have or strive for.

It is an incompleteness that we cannot put into words except as a longing for something more. Something different than what we have aspired to up to now. Restlessness embarks us on a voyage of discovery where we have no specific destination in mind.

It forces us to search for and try new things in order to satisfy that itch that we have. Some people cannot tolerate searching without a destination and so drown it out by immersing themselves in flamboyant excess or drugs or anything that hides the longing for a while.

I believe they search in the wrong direction in the external world rather than listening to their inner world while on their voyage of discovery. It is finding the feeling that we are missing and can only be found by listening to our heart during our search.

Where to search is our voyage and unique to ourselves.

Your thoughts?

Technorati tags: restlessness, personal growth, discovery

Living in the Present

2007-10-01T20:36:00.001-05:00

We are the only species on the planet that can punish ourselves with our past; our history. There is a saying that goes something like those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it.

Is that true?

History is only history if it is written down and then it cannot be taken back. Whomever writes the history then creates the history true or not. So as no one can see all the information it is then a composite of individual viewpoints which we know from our experience is not complete nor totally accurate as it is biased.

So when we look to our own history how accurate is it and should we wear like a cross and so warp the present with the past. Experiencing the results of our actions and thereby learning wisdom is far different than continually filtering our present through the filter of our past.

Once the lesson is learned do we need the past any longer. Perhaps it is time to let go and live in the only time we have; the present.

Your thoughts?

Technorati tags: past, lessons, personal growth

Surrendering to Sadness

2007-09-29T20:40:00.001-05:00

If we think about most of the stories people present to us we would notice that there are more sad ones than happy ones by a large margin.

Why is that?

Perhaps it is because sadness is more universal than happiness. Happiness is often thought to be a momentary spark in our normally unhappy lives and almost a form of gloating when we declare that we are happy. Or perhaps we don't want to jinx ourselves by stating we are happy only to have that reversed almost immediately after our statement.

To take a different perspective perhaps working towards happiness as a constant in our lives takes too much effort to establish the habit where as sadness is a surrender to forces beyond our control which is both more acceptable and easier.

Interesting quandary.

Your thoughts?

Technorati tags: sadness, balance, personal growth